Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
June 16 - Day 16
Wow! It amazes me how fast time really does travel. Here we are on June 16th...only 1 more month away from the finish line. It is in view. I can see it. I am picturing it. I am running for it. I will not give up! It's amazing! I see incredible things. Though it is slightly blurry and I can't make out everything...I know it will be so overwhelming and tears of joy will fill the eyes of those present.
In my last few blogs I have talked about this strength that we must search deep within ourselves, grab it and pull it out. How we must find that passion and desire within us and allow it to rise up against obstacles and challenges that come our way. Finding peace in the midst of storms. Building perseverance when all hell breaks loose. And CHOOSING to fight with all that we have.
As challenging as a few days were (mentally), it has paid off. Yesterday was like passing the biggest test I've ever had to complete in my whole life. When that stem cell machine beeped marking the end of the collection process this massive wave of peace and a big breath of fresh air filled my lungs. It's almost as if this whole time I've been fighting, fighting, fighting and just kept fighting with all that I have and just when I felt like taking a break and just pausing for a second the horn went. The battle was over! We conquered it. We beat it! Yesterday was filled with so many emotions. Excitement, tears of joy, feelings of strength and courage, a peace.
So here is a recap of how everything has gone this past week:
Why was I even admitted to hospital anyway this week? I felt great! I was eating lots, doing a relatively good job at maintaining my body weight. Haven't been sick...so why the heck am I hear. I get these day passes and then have to come back at 9PM to sleep in some bed that I feel 10feet high in and then wake up and come home. I'm not hooked up to anything except for 30mins at 11PM, 5PM and noon. Knowing not to go against my doctor's knowledge (unlike Mr know-it-all who thought I had shingles...pff) I thought I better dare not question her doings. But finally, I had enough. This was becoming challenging on Christa and I since it's our second week of marriage and I feel great. I want to be home with her. I don't even know why I am in hospital, and I'm starting to get pretty bored...Oprah and Dr. Phil can only do the trick for so long...and even then I feel like they are my best friends at this point for I know them now oh so well thank God for television, friendships are enhanced to even greater levels. Updating my facebook status and checking updates only becomes exciting once and then die's off pretty quickly...and those scuff marks I was talking about on the hallway floors...they will always be there.
So getting back to my story, I said to the doctor - Listen, I don't want to mess anything up and I know I am here for a reason, but can you explain to me what's going on. I want to go home. Turns out I'm neutropenic (no immune system) so I had to stay there on antibiotics just as a precaution so that I didn't get any infections or viruses, after all I've come so far and was on schedule with everything with NO side effects or any symptoms...so why screw anything up.
However, even though I haven't had any side effects from the treatments you have no clue how much opposition has come our way pressed on every single side that the enemy is using to try and get me off track. He knows I've been through this before, cycled across Canada, spoken to thousands if not million's through media and speaking engagements and am now battling cancer again. The enemy knows that I am out to make an impact and will do whatever it takes to get in my way and interfere with my 'I Must'. But I tell you, nothing will shake my grounds! I am built on a strong foundation. I am not built on sinking sands. My feet do not waver. My eyes are focused. My autopilot is set. Fear does not consume me. Worry does not come upon me. When doctor's and/or nurses told me that I would not be ready for collection and that I probably wouldn't have enough cells and would have to do the test over two days. When I was told I would be in the hospital for at least 3 weeks. When I was told I would have 6 - 8 months left to live...I sat there in that doctors room, hospital bed or where ever I was and CHOSE to accept the facts but rose up and said NO! NOT ME! I am different. There is something different in me! Watch me. Get out your history books docs, because I am in there. Statistics...pff...who are they?
Sunday night Christa took me back to the hospital and we both walked into that hospital prepared and ready for battle because we knew that the next day would require some armor and lots of battling gear. The nurse came in and said - so doesn't look like we are going through with the collection tomorrow...your counts just aren't coming up fast enough. This is when I felt like saying Lady...I'm not normal. We know that. Doctor's always tell me they can't figure me out. I'm crazy. I just baffle their minds. I am not normal. But instead I choose to just lie there in my bed and put everything up to the big guy who is in charge.
At the last minute the doctor decides to up my G shots and see if they can help my body a bit. What do ya know? 8AM Monday morning...my doctor walks in and says Tim - Your ready! The team is waiting for you...let's go.
People I am telling you no word of a lie...yes I had a little help with some medications but these doctors do stem cells transplants every week. Tom Baker performs over 70 stem cell transplant a year. They are experts. When they say your not a go and things aren't coming along fast enough (there coming along...just not quick enough...this is still good news...it's not bad) they are usually if not always right at predicting and saying your not ready, the test isn't happening yet. There are people who are still on the ward and have been waiting for 45 days for their stem cell to happen and their body is still waiting!
I went down for collection - they hooked me up to the machine which was supposed to take 8 hours and possibly 2 days. The nurse who did my collection said she has been doing this for a long time - and she said the color of my cells looked amazing. They looked strong and healthy. They needed 365 million cells and within 2 hours they had over and beyond what they needed! I was unhooked and on my way home.
Not only was it my birthday yesterday but it was the day to mark the beginning of a new life. Stem Cells is what feeds our body. Life flows in our cells. Seeing my life flow out of my body and into a machine which then flow into a bag and is frozen for weeks and matured before given back to me - is so powerful. To express how I felt seeing my life flow through lines and through all these pumps and machines and dials and to know that they are clean. They are being restored. No cancer flows in those cells. It will come back to me free of cancer, free of disease, free of any defects or illnesses and come back into my body and give me life once again - would be like trying to explain outer space and our solar system. It's so complicated but yet such a connecting emotional experience.
I am home now well and alive! I had an amazing birthday dinner cooked by my one and only Christa Harriman followed by friends and family for cake and time together with laughter and joy!
The next few weeks will be spent camping it up and enjoying the outdoors, living life and soaking it up, and will probably include the first writings of our first book together which we hope to see on shelves in the near future!
We received an email the other day from City of Airdrie who was hoping to stop by and visit us and deliver a bulk order of magazines to us but the lady told us that since they published the story, the emails and phone calls have not stopped about our story.
It is our hope that our story brings a message of hope. That it can counsel those who are going through some horrific or to someone who is yet to experience something tragic in their life. We all have things that come our way. Life doesn't always deal the cards we were hoping or expecting but we must choose to play wisely because how we play this hand can really determine the next hand and how we will play that one.
Stay strong, press on, and keep on keepin on!
Tim Harriman
In my last few blogs I have talked about this strength that we must search deep within ourselves, grab it and pull it out. How we must find that passion and desire within us and allow it to rise up against obstacles and challenges that come our way. Finding peace in the midst of storms. Building perseverance when all hell breaks loose. And CHOOSING to fight with all that we have.
As challenging as a few days were (mentally), it has paid off. Yesterday was like passing the biggest test I've ever had to complete in my whole life. When that stem cell machine beeped marking the end of the collection process this massive wave of peace and a big breath of fresh air filled my lungs. It's almost as if this whole time I've been fighting, fighting, fighting and just kept fighting with all that I have and just when I felt like taking a break and just pausing for a second the horn went. The battle was over! We conquered it. We beat it! Yesterday was filled with so many emotions. Excitement, tears of joy, feelings of strength and courage, a peace.
So here is a recap of how everything has gone this past week:
Why was I even admitted to hospital anyway this week? I felt great! I was eating lots, doing a relatively good job at maintaining my body weight. Haven't been sick...so why the heck am I hear. I get these day passes and then have to come back at 9PM to sleep in some bed that I feel 10feet high in and then wake up and come home. I'm not hooked up to anything except for 30mins at 11PM, 5PM and noon. Knowing not to go against my doctor's knowledge (unlike Mr know-it-all who thought I had shingles...pff) I thought I better dare not question her doings. But finally, I had enough. This was becoming challenging on Christa and I since it's our second week of marriage and I feel great. I want to be home with her. I don't even know why I am in hospital, and I'm starting to get pretty bored...Oprah and Dr. Phil can only do the trick for so long...and even then I feel like they are my best friends at this point for I know them now oh so well thank God for television, friendships are enhanced to even greater levels. Updating my facebook status and checking updates only becomes exciting once and then die's off pretty quickly...and those scuff marks I was talking about on the hallway floors...they will always be there.
So getting back to my story, I said to the doctor - Listen, I don't want to mess anything up and I know I am here for a reason, but can you explain to me what's going on. I want to go home. Turns out I'm neutropenic (no immune system) so I had to stay there on antibiotics just as a precaution so that I didn't get any infections or viruses, after all I've come so far and was on schedule with everything with NO side effects or any symptoms...so why screw anything up.
However, even though I haven't had any side effects from the treatments you have no clue how much opposition has come our way pressed on every single side that the enemy is using to try and get me off track. He knows I've been through this before, cycled across Canada, spoken to thousands if not million's through media and speaking engagements and am now battling cancer again. The enemy knows that I am out to make an impact and will do whatever it takes to get in my way and interfere with my 'I Must'. But I tell you, nothing will shake my grounds! I am built on a strong foundation. I am not built on sinking sands. My feet do not waver. My eyes are focused. My autopilot is set. Fear does not consume me. Worry does not come upon me. When doctor's and/or nurses told me that I would not be ready for collection and that I probably wouldn't have enough cells and would have to do the test over two days. When I was told I would be in the hospital for at least 3 weeks. When I was told I would have 6 - 8 months left to live...I sat there in that doctors room, hospital bed or where ever I was and CHOSE to accept the facts but rose up and said NO! NOT ME! I am different. There is something different in me! Watch me. Get out your history books docs, because I am in there. Statistics...pff...who are they?
Sunday night Christa took me back to the hospital and we both walked into that hospital prepared and ready for battle because we knew that the next day would require some armor and lots of battling gear. The nurse came in and said - so doesn't look like we are going through with the collection tomorrow...your counts just aren't coming up fast enough. This is when I felt like saying Lady...I'm not normal. We know that. Doctor's always tell me they can't figure me out. I'm crazy. I just baffle their minds. I am not normal. But instead I choose to just lie there in my bed and put everything up to the big guy who is in charge.
At the last minute the doctor decides to up my G shots and see if they can help my body a bit. What do ya know? 8AM Monday morning...my doctor walks in and says Tim - Your ready! The team is waiting for you...let's go.
People I am telling you no word of a lie...yes I had a little help with some medications but these doctors do stem cells transplants every week. Tom Baker performs over 70 stem cell transplant a year. They are experts. When they say your not a go and things aren't coming along fast enough (there coming along...just not quick enough...this is still good news...it's not bad) they are usually if not always right at predicting and saying your not ready, the test isn't happening yet. There are people who are still on the ward and have been waiting for 45 days for their stem cell to happen and their body is still waiting!
I went down for collection - they hooked me up to the machine which was supposed to take 8 hours and possibly 2 days. The nurse who did my collection said she has been doing this for a long time - and she said the color of my cells looked amazing. They looked strong and healthy. They needed 365 million cells and within 2 hours they had over and beyond what they needed! I was unhooked and on my way home.
Not only was it my birthday yesterday but it was the day to mark the beginning of a new life. Stem Cells is what feeds our body. Life flows in our cells. Seeing my life flow out of my body and into a machine which then flow into a bag and is frozen for weeks and matured before given back to me - is so powerful. To express how I felt seeing my life flow through lines and through all these pumps and machines and dials and to know that they are clean. They are being restored. No cancer flows in those cells. It will come back to me free of cancer, free of disease, free of any defects or illnesses and come back into my body and give me life once again - would be like trying to explain outer space and our solar system. It's so complicated but yet such a connecting emotional experience.
I am home now well and alive! I had an amazing birthday dinner cooked by my one and only Christa Harriman followed by friends and family for cake and time together with laughter and joy!
The next few weeks will be spent camping it up and enjoying the outdoors, living life and soaking it up, and will probably include the first writings of our first book together which we hope to see on shelves in the near future!
We received an email the other day from City of Airdrie who was hoping to stop by and visit us and deliver a bulk order of magazines to us but the lady told us that since they published the story, the emails and phone calls have not stopped about our story.
It is our hope that our story brings a message of hope. That it can counsel those who are going through some horrific or to someone who is yet to experience something tragic in their life. We all have things that come our way. Life doesn't always deal the cards we were hoping or expecting but we must choose to play wisely because how we play this hand can really determine the next hand and how we will play that one.
Stay strong, press on, and keep on keepin on!
Tim Harriman
Sunday, June 14, 2009
A few pictures...
Friday, June 12, 2009
June 13 - Day 13
OOOOOOOOoooooohhhh....Do your ears hang low do they wobble to the floor, can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow....
....Sorry bout that ;) I don't even know what I'm singing. Going a little crazy here in this place. Just Kidding ;)
Alright, another long story to tell but this one is funny. Who da man?
The very first day when I had my central line put in I told the surgeon I was allergic to a certain dressing (the bandage that goes over IV sites)and said that I would break out. For at least 24hrs I had to wear the kind of dressing that I would react to but after I could change it to the one that works for me. I said to Christa, "Watch, literally within a day I will break out with spots all over my chest, you watch."
My gosh boy ol' golly (add a little southern farmer tone in there) what happens? Within a day, I look like a leopard. Next thing I know infectious disease is in my room, doctors and nurses are standing around my bed dressed from head to toe in gowns, masks, and gloves up to their arm pits wondering what's wrong with me!
(These are my thoughts. I would not be as stupid to express them verbally at the time.) Excusing me...can you not see I'm watching TV...your interrupting a very important moment in my life. And then one dude, who looks like he's part of house cleaning who is not wearing any identification that I can see of tells me I have shingles! Shingles! Are you crazy! Do you even know what the definition of shingles is? Shingles...pff...cry me a river and I'll build ya boat.
So anyways, enough with all the craziness. After they all they leave, one of my nurses comes in the room and I ask her - who was that dude? She kind of gives me the look with the impression like 'I know what you mean'. Apparently he was the Nurse in Charge for that day. I thought to myself - Nurse in charge...okay...listen here Eddy Stelmach or whoever is in charge up there in the big E city. I know were desperate for nurses and very short but I mean where are we getting them from. For all I know this guy walked in the back door down at the kitchen, clocked junior in the head, threw him in the dumpster, put on his uniform but of course forgot the dudes ID card and walks around from unit to unit calling all these crazy shots.
Oh and that's not the end of it. The TV girl comes to renew our TV for the day all while Mr. Know-it-all and his 'peeps' are hanging outside of my room 'brainstorming' what to do with me. The lady says how long would you like to renew your TV for? Ah..1 day should be good. All of a sudden buddy interrupts Christa and says oh, you'll need it for more than a day. He's not getting out of here until end of next week for sure. He's neutropenic (which means I have no Immune System...and that's true)...but then he goes off to say I am infection disease, I'm not going to be ready for collection on Monday and just runs down the list of all these crazy things. Alright Captain, thanks for coming out but we'll let the doctor be the judge of this one.
A little while later: Low and behold, who walks in? Doctor. Hi Tim! How are you doing? Great! Want to go home for the day? Oh sure! I would love that!
Ha! Take that Captain! Guess ya failed that one. And, oh. where have the spots gone? Gee I don't know. Maybe there disappearing because I said I am allergic which means my skin doesn't like that type of dressing. Shingles. Pff. *Shaking my head*
So. Like I said, the doctor did give me a day pass yesterday with hopes that my counts will start to climb (which they have control over because they can just increase my dose in the G shots). Yesterday my doctor said they will review my chart again and if my counts are starting to climb then they don't see why I won't be allowed to go home again for a little while. And this morning when the nurse came in with my blood test results it showed that my White Blood Cells are starting to rise! That's what we want! Now we just need to get em a little higher so that my body will be ready for Stem Cell Collection on Monday. Then I have a few weeks off (might take up some camping with my beautiful wife)and we return for the first week of July to do the transplant and then guess what. I'm finito! And will be out of here by July 16!
To be honest with you, this whole process has not been what I expected at all. I haven't even felt the effects of chemo, I'm actually considering getting a hair cut cause it's getting a little out of control, and I've actually felt a lot healthier then I felt before. Most nights I have a great sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and charged for the day...
Just waiting for the doctor to make his rounds which will let me know if I can have another day pass or not. And from what I know, if my counts came up today (which they did) they might consider discharging me :)
Have a great weekend! It's been a blast as always!
The one and only Timmy H
PS. We will get some photo's up soon:)
....Sorry bout that ;) I don't even know what I'm singing. Going a little crazy here in this place. Just Kidding ;)
Alright, another long story to tell but this one is funny. Who da man?
The very first day when I had my central line put in I told the surgeon I was allergic to a certain dressing (the bandage that goes over IV sites)and said that I would break out. For at least 24hrs I had to wear the kind of dressing that I would react to but after I could change it to the one that works for me. I said to Christa, "Watch, literally within a day I will break out with spots all over my chest, you watch."
My gosh boy ol' golly (add a little southern farmer tone in there) what happens? Within a day, I look like a leopard. Next thing I know infectious disease is in my room, doctors and nurses are standing around my bed dressed from head to toe in gowns, masks, and gloves up to their arm pits wondering what's wrong with me!
(These are my thoughts. I would not be as stupid to express them verbally at the time.) Excusing me...can you not see I'm watching TV...your interrupting a very important moment in my life. And then one dude, who looks like he's part of house cleaning who is not wearing any identification that I can see of tells me I have shingles! Shingles! Are you crazy! Do you even know what the definition of shingles is? Shingles...pff...cry me a river and I'll build ya boat.
So anyways, enough with all the craziness. After they all they leave, one of my nurses comes in the room and I ask her - who was that dude? She kind of gives me the look with the impression like 'I know what you mean'. Apparently he was the Nurse in Charge for that day. I thought to myself - Nurse in charge...okay...listen here Eddy Stelmach or whoever is in charge up there in the big E city. I know were desperate for nurses and very short but I mean where are we getting them from. For all I know this guy walked in the back door down at the kitchen, clocked junior in the head, threw him in the dumpster, put on his uniform but of course forgot the dudes ID card and walks around from unit to unit calling all these crazy shots.
Oh and that's not the end of it. The TV girl comes to renew our TV for the day all while Mr. Know-it-all and his 'peeps' are hanging outside of my room 'brainstorming' what to do with me. The lady says how long would you like to renew your TV for? Ah..1 day should be good. All of a sudden buddy interrupts Christa and says oh, you'll need it for more than a day. He's not getting out of here until end of next week for sure. He's neutropenic (which means I have no Immune System...and that's true)...but then he goes off to say I am infection disease, I'm not going to be ready for collection on Monday and just runs down the list of all these crazy things. Alright Captain, thanks for coming out but we'll let the doctor be the judge of this one.
A little while later: Low and behold, who walks in? Doctor. Hi Tim! How are you doing? Great! Want to go home for the day? Oh sure! I would love that!
Ha! Take that Captain! Guess ya failed that one. And, oh. where have the spots gone? Gee I don't know. Maybe there disappearing because I said I am allergic which means my skin doesn't like that type of dressing. Shingles. Pff. *Shaking my head*
So. Like I said, the doctor did give me a day pass yesterday with hopes that my counts will start to climb (which they have control over because they can just increase my dose in the G shots). Yesterday my doctor said they will review my chart again and if my counts are starting to climb then they don't see why I won't be allowed to go home again for a little while. And this morning when the nurse came in with my blood test results it showed that my White Blood Cells are starting to rise! That's what we want! Now we just need to get em a little higher so that my body will be ready for Stem Cell Collection on Monday. Then I have a few weeks off (might take up some camping with my beautiful wife)and we return for the first week of July to do the transplant and then guess what. I'm finito! And will be out of here by July 16!
To be honest with you, this whole process has not been what I expected at all. I haven't even felt the effects of chemo, I'm actually considering getting a hair cut cause it's getting a little out of control, and I've actually felt a lot healthier then I felt before. Most nights I have a great sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and charged for the day...
Just waiting for the doctor to make his rounds which will let me know if I can have another day pass or not. And from what I know, if my counts came up today (which they did) they might consider discharging me :)
Have a great weekend! It's been a blast as always!
The one and only Timmy H
PS. We will get some photo's up soon:)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
June 11 - Day 11
Well G'day folks :)
Yesterday was the first day that I started my G-CSF shots which will boost my stem cells and prepare me for mobilization - the stage before transplant. While here at the hospital (which was only supposed to be a quick little visit) turned into me being admitted because my White Blood Cells are too low (0.2) which literally means I have no first line of defence in fighting any viruses and infections that come my way. So even though I feel good I have to lay low in bed at the hospital for a few days until my counts come back up. With the G-CSF shots it shouldn't take long for my counts to come up since that is the purpose of the shots.
I was once asked if I was being a little over optimistic and if I really am feeling well or am I just saying that I feel well. Honestly, I feel really really good. I've had maybe one or two days that I've felt a little under the weather but it was actually because I was taking a medication every 6 hrs and I was only supposed to be taking it as needed, not every friggen day every 6 hours. So the docs changed my meds, reduced some stuff and within the next day or so I was back to eating and being my normal self. Even here in the hospital this time around the nurses sometimes pop in just to say a quick hello because we often joke around and just talk about non-sense. I'm not being proud, but I will definitely say that leading up to my initial admission to the hospital, Christa and I were bracing ourselves. But it's been great. Since we can't act like a normal couple and go out for dates nights and movies and just hang out and do the married thing we've actually had to re-discover our friendship and have quite enjoyed just hanging out all day and talking about anything and everything. Christa and I have had some of the most meaningful, thoughtful, and deepest conversations during this time. We have laughed together so hard that we've been kicking our legs crazy till the point we are crying. We have been very amused by the TV show Trailer Park Boys which is down right stupid stuff but to us, apparently it's hilarious! We've walked around this unit so many times that every day I've seen scuff marks come and go. We've watched movies together, played games, and at times even just hung out and not said a word to each other. Christa and I know that this experience is already building into our relationship and we are learning a great deal of things we may never have learnt if it weren't for this experience. When I am all through, our marriage will come out the other side stronger and deeper because of what we have walked through and faced together in our first few weeks of marriage.
Got a very cool story to share with you:
A couple of nights ago Christa and I prayed before we went to sleep that we would
just have a good sleep and that we would have dreams that we would receive a message or a very clear meaning. I'm not one to have dreams and if I do, I NEVER remember them.
Not only was it great to sleep pretty much the whole night (because the last few nights I've been up several times) but I had an incredible dream that is crazy.
Before I share the dream I must give you a little preview. Back in October of 2008 Christa and I were in Winnipeg for a conference and a guy by the name of Rick Godwin was speaking. And he was telling us that when catching the plane to come up to the conference the lady beside him made a few comments about what if the plane goes down. Rick said, Lady, if this plane is going down your in the best seat of this aircraft, right beside me, because everything is going to be fine because of the power that is in me. I have not finished living my life. My "I Must" and purpose is not yet completed...we're not going anywhere!
So, that brings me to my story:
In the middle of my sleep I had a dream that was the most clear, real, and descriptive dream I've ever had. I had a dream that Christa and I were travelling by plane. From the time we checked in to the time we got to the gate we were interrupted with distractions, people budging us in line, and then once we got to the gate we discovered we didn't even have our tickets...we had somebody else. Once we got that sorted out we barely made it to the gate only to find out that the plane had been over booked. A few people offered to stay behind and catch the next plane and Christa and I boarded and got our seats. It was a very small charter plane with about 30 passengers. (I'm telling you - I don't dream. This may seem silly but I felt like this was all actually happening.) As we begin to taxi towards the runway all of a sudden the pilot throws the plane into gear and we take off. As soon as the plane leaves the ground the plane does a fish tale and the pilot struggles back and forth to bring the plane under control. The whole time I have such a peace and am totally confident that even if this plane goes down...we're all gunna be fine. Eventually the pilot looses all control of the plane and we head for the ground. I instantly grabbed Christa's head and brought both our heads to our knees and cover our faces because I knew the thing was gunna blow up. The back of the plane and tail blew up in flames and all of a sudden we are barreling down a major freeway destroying anything in sight. Eventually the plane leaves the freeway into a residential area and takes out 5 houses before it comes to a complete stop. No one was injured. Everyone walked away injury free.
After I woke up and I told Christa the dream...she was just like, oh...that's crazy. But it wasn't until we were halfway down the deerfoot highway on our way to the hospital that I jump and tell Christa - I forgot the most important part...the point of the dream and the message behind it.
It doesn't matter what plane we are on or what our destination is (because all of our purposes are slightly different from each other. Even though planes might all look the same, there are different people on those planes with different stories and a different "I Must") and even though our plane might crash, nothing can get in the way of our purpose and "I Must" because of the power that is in us.
Even though my plane crashed (my cancer), my purpose and "I Must" isn't done. I have not finished living. I am not done here yet. I will get better. I am a cancer survivor! I am not a patient. My body is not consumed with cancer. It does not belong in me. It has no right in my body. I will go on to inspire many and do crazy, wild adventures...because my purpose isn't completed!
Last night Christa had a friend come visit her who is a nurse on the floor below me. She works on the palliative care ward where basically patients are coming in to die. They have no more medical options for them, doctor's can't do anything so they put them on these wards and the nurses give them medication to make them feel as comfortable as possible until their last breath. But the fascinating thing is: Christa's friend was saying they come in with such a good attitude and positive spirit proclaiming that they will get better and better each day and will walk out of this hospital with no disease and feeling well and alive. What's fascinating is that they often do walk out of this hospital and live well and alive for years to come! That right there is evidence of what a good attitude and the power in you can do.
Friends, whatever your going through...you decide your outcome. When I was on tour I spoke at a teens camp in PEI (the triumph video) and told them that we must be fighters. Through everything we must fight with all that we have. Losers are not an option. It is our choice how we will walk out the other side. Our attitudes are crucial. How we handle situations and trials and the attitude we have plays a big part in our outcome. We are the deciders of our progress. I have heard story after story of people who have been given up to die, and how people would come in and encourage them with words and tell them other stories of people who've had it worse and something inside of them rose up and they all of a sudden developed a keenness to fight and within sometimes days to weeks their body has slowly turned around and they've walked away completed well.
A famous speaker by the name of Willie George said it best when I was listening to him at that conference in Winnipeg. "Our minds start playing out with thoughts and if we don't discard the negative thoughts immediately eventually our thoughts go down a little elevator and stop on the floor called mouth. And what we let out of our mouth eventually keeps going down into our heart. Whats in our heart becomes who we are. How we talk, how we treat people, the things we do and the things that we believe. We must take control of those negative thoughts and get rid of them immediately. Not even giving them a second chance to become part of our DNA.
Put it this way. I am on the top floor at the hospital. I know below me are several floors and right below me is the palliative care ward. (Disregard the previous example about the palliative care ward because that was used to illustrate something else) If I take the elevator down to the main floor, walk out of this hospital, get in the car and go home, then I never know what was really on those other floors. I may know which wards are on that floor and I probably have a good idea of what happens there because of what I've heard...but if I've never seen it or never stepped foot on that floor, I don't have any mental pictures and thoughts or smells about that floor. However, if I choose to stop on the palliative care ward and walk around there, now I have those thoughts and pictures and smells in my mind and the only thing I can remember is dead people - completely negative. So I must choose to not even go there. I don't even allow myself to think about stopping on that floor.
It's the same thing with out thinking and out attitude. We choose where we will allow our minds to go and not to go. We choose what gets into our heart. WE MAKE THE CHOICE.
Friends, I don't try to sound all professional and act like I'm a psychologist or anything like that. I write the way that I write, I speak whats on my heart, and often when I speak I sometimes find myself speaking right to myself while speaking to others as well. But I ask you this: What are you doing about your situation? Are you becoming consumed and stressed with the simplest things in life? Are you surrounding yourself with negativity and negative people? Do you have people in your life who have similar goals and a similar purpose and can join each other as you pursue that? We are the DECIDERS! We have more power in us than we think we have. We just need to learn how to use it.
Until next time!
Tim Harriman
PS. While your at it, Christa and I were surprised when we discovered that we are on the front of AirdrieLife Magazine with an amazing story on page 61. Check out www.airdrielife.com to order your copy now!
Tell your friends about our blog, spread the news, and lets join together because together we are headed towards a great purpose!
Yesterday was the first day that I started my G-CSF shots which will boost my stem cells and prepare me for mobilization - the stage before transplant. While here at the hospital (which was only supposed to be a quick little visit) turned into me being admitted because my White Blood Cells are too low (0.2) which literally means I have no first line of defence in fighting any viruses and infections that come my way. So even though I feel good I have to lay low in bed at the hospital for a few days until my counts come back up. With the G-CSF shots it shouldn't take long for my counts to come up since that is the purpose of the shots.
I was once asked if I was being a little over optimistic and if I really am feeling well or am I just saying that I feel well. Honestly, I feel really really good. I've had maybe one or two days that I've felt a little under the weather but it was actually because I was taking a medication every 6 hrs and I was only supposed to be taking it as needed, not every friggen day every 6 hours. So the docs changed my meds, reduced some stuff and within the next day or so I was back to eating and being my normal self. Even here in the hospital this time around the nurses sometimes pop in just to say a quick hello because we often joke around and just talk about non-sense. I'm not being proud, but I will definitely say that leading up to my initial admission to the hospital, Christa and I were bracing ourselves. But it's been great. Since we can't act like a normal couple and go out for dates nights and movies and just hang out and do the married thing we've actually had to re-discover our friendship and have quite enjoyed just hanging out all day and talking about anything and everything. Christa and I have had some of the most meaningful, thoughtful, and deepest conversations during this time. We have laughed together so hard that we've been kicking our legs crazy till the point we are crying. We have been very amused by the TV show Trailer Park Boys which is down right stupid stuff but to us, apparently it's hilarious! We've walked around this unit so many times that every day I've seen scuff marks come and go. We've watched movies together, played games, and at times even just hung out and not said a word to each other. Christa and I know that this experience is already building into our relationship and we are learning a great deal of things we may never have learnt if it weren't for this experience. When I am all through, our marriage will come out the other side stronger and deeper because of what we have walked through and faced together in our first few weeks of marriage.
Got a very cool story to share with you:
A couple of nights ago Christa and I prayed before we went to sleep that we would
just have a good sleep and that we would have dreams that we would receive a message or a very clear meaning. I'm not one to have dreams and if I do, I NEVER remember them.
Not only was it great to sleep pretty much the whole night (because the last few nights I've been up several times) but I had an incredible dream that is crazy.
Before I share the dream I must give you a little preview. Back in October of 2008 Christa and I were in Winnipeg for a conference and a guy by the name of Rick Godwin was speaking. And he was telling us that when catching the plane to come up to the conference the lady beside him made a few comments about what if the plane goes down. Rick said, Lady, if this plane is going down your in the best seat of this aircraft, right beside me, because everything is going to be fine because of the power that is in me. I have not finished living my life. My "I Must" and purpose is not yet completed...we're not going anywhere!
So, that brings me to my story:
In the middle of my sleep I had a dream that was the most clear, real, and descriptive dream I've ever had. I had a dream that Christa and I were travelling by plane. From the time we checked in to the time we got to the gate we were interrupted with distractions, people budging us in line, and then once we got to the gate we discovered we didn't even have our tickets...we had somebody else. Once we got that sorted out we barely made it to the gate only to find out that the plane had been over booked. A few people offered to stay behind and catch the next plane and Christa and I boarded and got our seats. It was a very small charter plane with about 30 passengers. (I'm telling you - I don't dream. This may seem silly but I felt like this was all actually happening.) As we begin to taxi towards the runway all of a sudden the pilot throws the plane into gear and we take off. As soon as the plane leaves the ground the plane does a fish tale and the pilot struggles back and forth to bring the plane under control. The whole time I have such a peace and am totally confident that even if this plane goes down...we're all gunna be fine. Eventually the pilot looses all control of the plane and we head for the ground. I instantly grabbed Christa's head and brought both our heads to our knees and cover our faces because I knew the thing was gunna blow up. The back of the plane and tail blew up in flames and all of a sudden we are barreling down a major freeway destroying anything in sight. Eventually the plane leaves the freeway into a residential area and takes out 5 houses before it comes to a complete stop. No one was injured. Everyone walked away injury free.
After I woke up and I told Christa the dream...she was just like, oh...that's crazy. But it wasn't until we were halfway down the deerfoot highway on our way to the hospital that I jump and tell Christa - I forgot the most important part...the point of the dream and the message behind it.
It doesn't matter what plane we are on or what our destination is (because all of our purposes are slightly different from each other. Even though planes might all look the same, there are different people on those planes with different stories and a different "I Must") and even though our plane might crash, nothing can get in the way of our purpose and "I Must" because of the power that is in us.
Even though my plane crashed (my cancer), my purpose and "I Must" isn't done. I have not finished living. I am not done here yet. I will get better. I am a cancer survivor! I am not a patient. My body is not consumed with cancer. It does not belong in me. It has no right in my body. I will go on to inspire many and do crazy, wild adventures...because my purpose isn't completed!
Last night Christa had a friend come visit her who is a nurse on the floor below me. She works on the palliative care ward where basically patients are coming in to die. They have no more medical options for them, doctor's can't do anything so they put them on these wards and the nurses give them medication to make them feel as comfortable as possible until their last breath. But the fascinating thing is: Christa's friend was saying they come in with such a good attitude and positive spirit proclaiming that they will get better and better each day and will walk out of this hospital with no disease and feeling well and alive. What's fascinating is that they often do walk out of this hospital and live well and alive for years to come! That right there is evidence of what a good attitude and the power in you can do.
Friends, whatever your going through...you decide your outcome. When I was on tour I spoke at a teens camp in PEI (the triumph video) and told them that we must be fighters. Through everything we must fight with all that we have. Losers are not an option. It is our choice how we will walk out the other side. Our attitudes are crucial. How we handle situations and trials and the attitude we have plays a big part in our outcome. We are the deciders of our progress. I have heard story after story of people who have been given up to die, and how people would come in and encourage them with words and tell them other stories of people who've had it worse and something inside of them rose up and they all of a sudden developed a keenness to fight and within sometimes days to weeks their body has slowly turned around and they've walked away completed well.
A famous speaker by the name of Willie George said it best when I was listening to him at that conference in Winnipeg. "Our minds start playing out with thoughts and if we don't discard the negative thoughts immediately eventually our thoughts go down a little elevator and stop on the floor called mouth. And what we let out of our mouth eventually keeps going down into our heart. Whats in our heart becomes who we are. How we talk, how we treat people, the things we do and the things that we believe. We must take control of those negative thoughts and get rid of them immediately. Not even giving them a second chance to become part of our DNA.
Put it this way. I am on the top floor at the hospital. I know below me are several floors and right below me is the palliative care ward. (Disregard the previous example about the palliative care ward because that was used to illustrate something else) If I take the elevator down to the main floor, walk out of this hospital, get in the car and go home, then I never know what was really on those other floors. I may know which wards are on that floor and I probably have a good idea of what happens there because of what I've heard...but if I've never seen it or never stepped foot on that floor, I don't have any mental pictures and thoughts or smells about that floor. However, if I choose to stop on the palliative care ward and walk around there, now I have those thoughts and pictures and smells in my mind and the only thing I can remember is dead people - completely negative. So I must choose to not even go there. I don't even allow myself to think about stopping on that floor.
It's the same thing with out thinking and out attitude. We choose where we will allow our minds to go and not to go. We choose what gets into our heart. WE MAKE THE CHOICE.
Friends, I don't try to sound all professional and act like I'm a psychologist or anything like that. I write the way that I write, I speak whats on my heart, and often when I speak I sometimes find myself speaking right to myself while speaking to others as well. But I ask you this: What are you doing about your situation? Are you becoming consumed and stressed with the simplest things in life? Are you surrounding yourself with negativity and negative people? Do you have people in your life who have similar goals and a similar purpose and can join each other as you pursue that? We are the DECIDERS! We have more power in us than we think we have. We just need to learn how to use it.
Until next time!
Tim Harriman
PS. While your at it, Christa and I were surprised when we discovered that we are on the front of AirdrieLife Magazine with an amazing story on page 61. Check out www.airdrielife.com to order your copy now!
Tell your friends about our blog, spread the news, and lets join together because together we are headed towards a great purpose!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The things that don't matter.
So, the past few days have been a huge eye opener to me, not only me but to Tim as well. When someone you love has an illness, its amazing how quickly and drastically life changes. It can either be the worst time in a persons life, or the most incredible. For Tim and I, this journey is incredible. Here is why...
Some things just don't matter anymore. Life isn't this rat race like we once thought, its not about being perfect or looking perfect, its not about living for other people, its not about aimless priorities... its about enjoying and soaking up each amazing moment...blessing other people, taking walks in the cool evening air, watching the wind blow through the trees and sitting out side munching on watermelon after dinner. Tim and I have discovered the beauty of life, our marriage, and each other.
We talked about it today, when this journey comes to a close at the end of July, we will no longer live as busy, stressed out people. Instead, we will limit our once long list of "priorities" and start to soak up this amazing beautiful world we have been given. We have each other, and we have a long life ahead to experience the amazing and the wonderful!
Guys, seriously, Tim has been doing SO well! Its AMAZING how God has just totally come through for Tim in huge ways. He is not experiencing all the "side effects" the doctors said he would, and he is feeling super great...even better than before his treatments began. I hear people talk about how awful this is for Tim and how they can't believe he has to face it again...and honestly, its true, Cancer sucks, but our eyes have been opened to how far the technology of treatment has advanced. Its not about locking a patient up and "hoping" they come through anymore, its about getting them in, getting them well and letting them go on and live their lives. We could not ask for a better experience, and through it all we're gonna come out totally victorious!!
Anyway, Tim is sitting here waiting for me to hurry up and finish so HE can have the computer...so demanding. ;) Just kidding babe. I love you!!
Bye guys,
--Christa
Some things just don't matter anymore. Life isn't this rat race like we once thought, its not about being perfect or looking perfect, its not about living for other people, its not about aimless priorities... its about enjoying and soaking up each amazing moment...blessing other people, taking walks in the cool evening air, watching the wind blow through the trees and sitting out side munching on watermelon after dinner. Tim and I have discovered the beauty of life, our marriage, and each other.
We talked about it today, when this journey comes to a close at the end of July, we will no longer live as busy, stressed out people. Instead, we will limit our once long list of "priorities" and start to soak up this amazing beautiful world we have been given. We have each other, and we have a long life ahead to experience the amazing and the wonderful!
Guys, seriously, Tim has been doing SO well! Its AMAZING how God has just totally come through for Tim in huge ways. He is not experiencing all the "side effects" the doctors said he would, and he is feeling super great...even better than before his treatments began. I hear people talk about how awful this is for Tim and how they can't believe he has to face it again...and honestly, its true, Cancer sucks, but our eyes have been opened to how far the technology of treatment has advanced. Its not about locking a patient up and "hoping" they come through anymore, its about getting them in, getting them well and letting them go on and live their lives. We could not ask for a better experience, and through it all we're gonna come out totally victorious!!
Anyway, Tim is sitting here waiting for me to hurry up and finish so HE can have the computer...so demanding. ;) Just kidding babe. I love you!!
Bye guys,
--Christa
Monday, June 8, 2009
June 8 - Day 8
G'day folks :)
Sorry for not having frequent updates lately. Being at home has been nice for a change. A time to relax, go for walks, watch movies, and enjoy life. The support that we have received is amazing. Emails, phone calls, and mail has poured in from all over the country from family and friends who are cheering us on - we are so grateful for your support and cheers.
On Friday after I was released from the hospital we swung by Innovative Fitness (my training sponsor when I was on tour) and picked up a few very unexpected gifts that mean so much to Christa and I. Innovative Fitness has kindly donated two 1 hour massages for Christa and I. One is a more cancer therapeutic treatment for myself and the other is a more relaxing and cleansing massage for Christa. On top of that, Rogers Mobility has kindly sponsored us an air card for my laptop so that we can receive Internet where ever we go, any time, for the remainder of my treatments - wow!
Before news even broke out about my diagnosis Innovative was on the move and putting together support for Christa and I. One of my past trainers Stan Peake (who cycled with me from Banff to Calgary) is doing an epic adventure and will be cycling from Edmonton to Calgary in one single day in hopes to raise support for Christa and I.
Ill leave him share the news:
The Battle of Alberta - July 25, 2009
Friends,
I am writing you today to tell you a story in hopes that it touches you.
What & Why:
Tim Harriman has a story that has touched me and motivated me to do something to give back (as he has done, read www.spokemantour.com). Tim is a cancer survivor. In September 2002, at the age of 14, he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL), a form of cancer in the blood common in children. At that time Tim was told he would need to undergo 2 ½ years of treatment. After nearly 3 years, he beat cancer. A cancer survivor himself, Innovative Health Group President Vince Danielsen was inspired by Tim's story and sponsored him, having the team at Innovative train Tim for 2 years free of charge. His destination upon completion of those 2 years? He rode his bike from Victoria BC to St. Johns NL in the summer of 2007 and in the process raised over $170,000 for the Childhood Cancer Foundation of Canada. His tour was a great success and Tim continues to share his story and inspire those with cancer, cancer survivors, and their families (as well as all who meet him) to embrace a more positive attitude and make the most out of their life.
Tim's New Battle
Tuesday, April 28th Tim found out that his cancer may have returned in the form of lumps on his neck. May 21st the diagnosis of aggressive lymphoma was confirmed. Tim's spirits are very high and his attitude is nothing less than that of a champion as you can assess yourself in his blog http://www.timandchrista.blogspot.com/. Tim and Christa were actually scheduled to be married in front of their friends and family July 4th and they have had to change those plans as a result of this news.
How to Support Tim
The reason I am writing is like I try to do in my own life, Tim is all about paying it forward. This is a young man who found not only peace but purpose in his battle with cancer and used it to help others. The way I see it I have the ability now to help Tim through my network of great people like you, and through a little pain and suffering myself that won't even come close to what he is going through.
That being said, on Saturday July 25th, I will be riding my road bike from the Stollery Children's Hospital in Edmonton to Innovative Health Group in Calgary. This one day ride will cover 300km and go from 6am to about 9pm. My purpose for this ride is threefold; 1) to raise awareness and I hope support for both Tim personally (neither him nor his wife Christa are working through this process), 2) to benefit the Childhood Cancer Foundation if people would rather donate money to a formal charity than to Tim himself, and 3) to benefit others while challenging myself while I am in a privileged position to do so. The target amount for this ride would be to raise $12,000 so that Tim and Christa can dedicate 100% of their efforts to beating this cancer and surviving once again.
This is a personal quest for a friend, and as such I am not asking or demanding anything. I want to share his story and allow him to continue to do so for many years to come. In order for him to do this, I would love to be able to help support him even slightly so that he can focus on survival and continuing his legacy.
How:
Well this is up to you, if you should feel a personal connection to his story and a reason to give. If you don't- no problem because there are certainly many great causes out there and you don't have to be affected or motivated by what motivates or affects me.
Some ideas are:
a distance-based sponsorship (donate a penny, dime, quarter, or even dollar or more per kilometer)
If you run a business and can help with groceries, goods & services a family in their situation can benefit from
gift certificates for clothing, groceries, or even the Bay, etc
ride with me (must be able to maintain 27km/hr on a road bike) all or part (ie Red Deer to Calgary is ~145km) and pass on this email to your support network
a support vehicle & driver - we already have a few volunteers here but an RV or similar would be perfect!
supportive emails for Tim on his blog or via myself to him
anything else you feel will be beneficial
This may be a lot to ask and so I am sending it with the decision up to you- I'll never hound you for this as it's not right. I will simply follow up with those of you who express interest so that even a little support can help Tim and Christa in their journey so they can go on and help others for the rest of their lives together.
If nothing else, thank you for taking the time to read this today and if it should prompt you to any action whatsoever, thank you from Tim, Christa, myself, and all those who stand to benefit from the positive example of a survivor.
Best,
Sorry for not having frequent updates lately. Being at home has been nice for a change. A time to relax, go for walks, watch movies, and enjoy life. The support that we have received is amazing. Emails, phone calls, and mail has poured in from all over the country from family and friends who are cheering us on - we are so grateful for your support and cheers.
On Friday after I was released from the hospital we swung by Innovative Fitness (my training sponsor when I was on tour) and picked up a few very unexpected gifts that mean so much to Christa and I. Innovative Fitness has kindly donated two 1 hour massages for Christa and I. One is a more cancer therapeutic treatment for myself and the other is a more relaxing and cleansing massage for Christa. On top of that, Rogers Mobility has kindly sponsored us an air card for my laptop so that we can receive Internet where ever we go, any time, for the remainder of my treatments - wow!
Before news even broke out about my diagnosis Innovative was on the move and putting together support for Christa and I. One of my past trainers Stan Peake (who cycled with me from Banff to Calgary) is doing an epic adventure and will be cycling from Edmonton to Calgary in one single day in hopes to raise support for Christa and I.
Ill leave him share the news:
The Battle of Alberta - July 25, 2009
Friends,
I am writing you today to tell you a story in hopes that it touches you.
What & Why:
Tim Harriman has a story that has touched me and motivated me to do something to give back (as he has done, read www.spokemantour.com). Tim is a cancer survivor. In September 2002, at the age of 14, he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL), a form of cancer in the blood common in children. At that time Tim was told he would need to undergo 2 ½ years of treatment. After nearly 3 years, he beat cancer. A cancer survivor himself, Innovative Health Group President Vince Danielsen was inspired by Tim's story and sponsored him, having the team at Innovative train Tim for 2 years free of charge. His destination upon completion of those 2 years? He rode his bike from Victoria BC to St. Johns NL in the summer of 2007 and in the process raised over $170,000 for the Childhood Cancer Foundation of Canada. His tour was a great success and Tim continues to share his story and inspire those with cancer, cancer survivors, and their families (as well as all who meet him) to embrace a more positive attitude and make the most out of their life.
Tim's New Battle
Tuesday, April 28th Tim found out that his cancer may have returned in the form of lumps on his neck. May 21st the diagnosis of aggressive lymphoma was confirmed. Tim's spirits are very high and his attitude is nothing less than that of a champion as you can assess yourself in his blog http://www.timandchrista.blogspot.com/. Tim and Christa were actually scheduled to be married in front of their friends and family July 4th and they have had to change those plans as a result of this news.
How to Support Tim
The reason I am writing is like I try to do in my own life, Tim is all about paying it forward. This is a young man who found not only peace but purpose in his battle with cancer and used it to help others. The way I see it I have the ability now to help Tim through my network of great people like you, and through a little pain and suffering myself that won't even come close to what he is going through.
That being said, on Saturday July 25th, I will be riding my road bike from the Stollery Children's Hospital in Edmonton to Innovative Health Group in Calgary. This one day ride will cover 300km and go from 6am to about 9pm. My purpose for this ride is threefold; 1) to raise awareness and I hope support for both Tim personally (neither him nor his wife Christa are working through this process), 2) to benefit the Childhood Cancer Foundation if people would rather donate money to a formal charity than to Tim himself, and 3) to benefit others while challenging myself while I am in a privileged position to do so. The target amount for this ride would be to raise $12,000 so that Tim and Christa can dedicate 100% of their efforts to beating this cancer and surviving once again.
This is a personal quest for a friend, and as such I am not asking or demanding anything. I want to share his story and allow him to continue to do so for many years to come. In order for him to do this, I would love to be able to help support him even slightly so that he can focus on survival and continuing his legacy.
How:
Well this is up to you, if you should feel a personal connection to his story and a reason to give. If you don't- no problem because there are certainly many great causes out there and you don't have to be affected or motivated by what motivates or affects me.
Some ideas are:
a distance-based sponsorship (donate a penny, dime, quarter, or even dollar or more per kilometer)
If you run a business and can help with groceries, goods & services a family in their situation can benefit from
gift certificates for clothing, groceries, or even the Bay, etc
ride with me (must be able to maintain 27km/hr on a road bike) all or part (ie Red Deer to Calgary is ~145km) and pass on this email to your support network
a support vehicle & driver - we already have a few volunteers here but an RV or similar would be perfect!
supportive emails for Tim on his blog or via myself to him
anything else you feel will be beneficial
This may be a lot to ask and so I am sending it with the decision up to you- I'll never hound you for this as it's not right. I will simply follow up with those of you who express interest so that even a little support can help Tim and Christa in their journey so they can go on and help others for the rest of their lives together.
If nothing else, thank you for taking the time to read this today and if it should prompt you to any action whatsoever, thank you from Tim, Christa, myself, and all those who stand to benefit from the positive example of a survivor.
Best,
Stan Peake - General Manager
email: fitnessreception@innovativehealthgroup.com
tel: 403.244.7405
We are so very grateful for what Stan the people at Innovative Fitness are doing for us. I told Stan when picking up the gifts that even that wasn't expected. They are going over and beyond...and like he said...when this is all through...we will continue to pay it forward!
Cheers Friends!
Tim
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