Hey Friends!
Just wanted to let you know that we have not forgotten about you! We are headed off to go camping for a bit before my next phase of treatments and will update you on some awesome news we received at the hospital this week when we return this weekend!
In the meantime check out http://www.airdrieecho.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1627988 an article that featured Christa and I.
Have a good week!
TH
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
June 20 - Day 20
Value. What does it mean? Who has it? How do we get it? Do we deserve it or is it just ours?
This is a question that I pondered for quite some time when I had my first battle with cancer in 2002 - 2005. What did I ever do to deserve cancer? Was it a curse on my life? Did I do something that cancer was the tool in order to teach me a lesson and put me back on track? Did I still matter to people and society? Would I ever be an asset? Could I be used? Would my opinions and thoughts matter? Will I be successful?
I brutalized myself when the answer was so clear and it was directly in front of me. I worked day and night to keep up with my school work, I had a summer jobs, I did two grades in one year in order to graduate with my friends, I played on a youth band as well as the high school band which was one of the best in Alberta and even had the opportunity to go down to California and play at Disneyland and record with Warner Bro's (for fun) to Pirate's of the Caribbean (though I didn't go because of treatments), I was counselor at a summer camp for several summers, and I accepted speaking engagements whenever they came my way...I did all of this while going through chemo and radiation.
Did I do because I was searching for an answer - was I insecure that life might be swept from underneath me if I didn't cling to it? Was I trying to cover up my illness and focus on other things? I don't think so. I remember always going, going, going. My illness never kept me down and held me back from life and doing the things I loved to do. I discovered a passion and a desire to live life and live it to it's fullest. I had a passion and desire to serve and be a tool to any event, function, project, or mission...I discovered that even though challenges come my way and I have my ups and downs in life (like we all do), I discovered that those things do not interfere with my purpose and my destination as long as I do not let them because I know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Therefore I am valuable and so are you.
I often use this illustration when I speak to a group about being the change and knowing that you have whatever it takes to do whatever your heart desires and dreams of. Here it is:
If you were walking the streets of your city and you found a 5 dollar bill on the ground, would you pick it up? Yes. Why? Because it's 5 bucks. It has a value. You can buy things with it. If you were walking down the same street and you came across that same 5 dollar bill on the ground but this time it was stomped on and a little dirty, would you pick it up? Yes, because it still has value and after a little brushing off of the dirt and making it look decent it is still 5 bucks and it still has value and can still be used. That same street, your walking down and you find that same 5 dollar bill. This time it is stepped on, dirty, wrinkled and ripped; would you still pick it up? Yes! Because you put it in your pocket, take it home, brush off the dirt, flatten the bill, tape it back together where it's been ripped and it can still be used. It still has value to it and it can still be used.
The same is true for our lives. Life isn't always fair. We are dealt with disease, poverty, being fired from a job, a loved one turning on us, wars, and race turning against race. If you step back and take a look at our world - you can sometimes just shake your head at the things people are going through and you can ask why is this happening...OR...you can choose to rise up against it and be the change, knowing that you have VALUE. You've been stepped on, spit on, your full of dirt, and you've been ripped in so many places. But the truth is suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Therefore, over time if you allow yourself, you will be brushed off, cleaned up, flattened, and mended back together. Nothing can interfere with your purpose and your destination if you don't allow it. I have value, you have value, we have value and we can achieve great things and be the change!
Yesterday afternoon Christa and I had an interview with a newspaper and the reporter asked how do I go from a state of being mad, hearing the prognosis that my cancer had come back, thinking I am going to die, to a state of mind with a positive energy, a passion to fight with all that I have, knowing that I am going to be okay, and not allowing this to get the best of myself.
My answer was very simple and the reporter seemed in awe that this is actually possible. The first time I went through cancer I was only 14 - so you can imagine the shock and the fear that I was experiencing at that time in my life. Not having a clue about cancer, the treatments, the pain, or anything I was about to undergo I immediately thought I was going to die. I had a death sentence and I felt like it didn't matter what I did it wouldn't change my outcome.
You never really have time to accept that type of news...things just happen so fast and all of a sudden your thrown into the ride of your life of a roller coaster and you have no clue what to expect. You haven't had the chance to stand on the ground and observer this thing. You don't know where the loops and twists and turns are, you don't know if the bolts are securely fastened - you don't know anything. It's just buckle up and here we go! But over time as I became comfortable and understanding of my situation there were times when my attitude was running on high and I was full of fighting power. During those times...my treatments were successful. Side effects were minimal, my counts started to come back up, my appetite came around, my energy increased, and my overall emotional and mental strength rose higher. But during the times that I was discouraged and focused on my situation and allowed my mind to be filled with feelings and fear and anxiety - those were the times the treatments weren't doing what they were supposed to do, the times I was hospitalized with infections and my counts dropping to a severely low level and my mind had no drive to fight. I was done.
This time around - because I have been through cancer before I knew what to expect but I also knew that my attitude would be a large percentage of my battle. And say it's just coincidence or just how things happen - but this time around I have seen those patients who have a terrible attitude and are allowing their illness to get the best of them and they are struggling. They are having a hell of a ride and they are filled with fear, anxiety, worry, and depression. And I have seen the patients who have a strong attitude and a desire to beat this thing out of their world. Like the lady who walks around the unit all day every day choosing not to lie in bed all day and soak in her disease. Or the guy who walks on the treadmill with his IV hooked up to him, or the other guy who is bald and has chemo pumping through his system but still works out and maintains a fit body and chooses to bring his meals to the common area and eats in front of the TV rather then staying in his room all by himself and being lonely. Those are the ones who are having a walk in the park with this and have chosen to take an obstacle in their life and say - BRING IT ON! It is evident that our attitude plays a vital role in the challenges that we face in life - not just cancer or disease, but in any obstacle or challenge that comes our way.
Before I wrap up today's journal I must acknowledge the continued support and encouraging energies that are being sent our way. We are so blessed and grateful for those who have stood up behind us and are cheering us on running with us to the finish line. We have continued to receive countless emails from people across this country and have even learnt that people are dedicating their Canadian Cancer Relay For Life event in honor of Christa and I and one person is also doing the Bike Ride to Conquer Cancer in support of us as well!
We are so grateful for the support and look forward to participating in some of those events in the following years!
Take care friends!
Tim Harriman
This is a question that I pondered for quite some time when I had my first battle with cancer in 2002 - 2005. What did I ever do to deserve cancer? Was it a curse on my life? Did I do something that cancer was the tool in order to teach me a lesson and put me back on track? Did I still matter to people and society? Would I ever be an asset? Could I be used? Would my opinions and thoughts matter? Will I be successful?
I brutalized myself when the answer was so clear and it was directly in front of me. I worked day and night to keep up with my school work, I had a summer jobs, I did two grades in one year in order to graduate with my friends, I played on a youth band as well as the high school band which was one of the best in Alberta and even had the opportunity to go down to California and play at Disneyland and record with Warner Bro's (for fun) to Pirate's of the Caribbean (though I didn't go because of treatments), I was counselor at a summer camp for several summers, and I accepted speaking engagements whenever they came my way...I did all of this while going through chemo and radiation.
Did I do because I was searching for an answer - was I insecure that life might be swept from underneath me if I didn't cling to it? Was I trying to cover up my illness and focus on other things? I don't think so. I remember always going, going, going. My illness never kept me down and held me back from life and doing the things I loved to do. I discovered a passion and a desire to live life and live it to it's fullest. I had a passion and desire to serve and be a tool to any event, function, project, or mission...I discovered that even though challenges come my way and I have my ups and downs in life (like we all do), I discovered that those things do not interfere with my purpose and my destination as long as I do not let them because I know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Therefore I am valuable and so are you.
I often use this illustration when I speak to a group about being the change and knowing that you have whatever it takes to do whatever your heart desires and dreams of. Here it is:
If you were walking the streets of your city and you found a 5 dollar bill on the ground, would you pick it up? Yes. Why? Because it's 5 bucks. It has a value. You can buy things with it. If you were walking down the same street and you came across that same 5 dollar bill on the ground but this time it was stomped on and a little dirty, would you pick it up? Yes, because it still has value and after a little brushing off of the dirt and making it look decent it is still 5 bucks and it still has value and can still be used. That same street, your walking down and you find that same 5 dollar bill. This time it is stepped on, dirty, wrinkled and ripped; would you still pick it up? Yes! Because you put it in your pocket, take it home, brush off the dirt, flatten the bill, tape it back together where it's been ripped and it can still be used. It still has value to it and it can still be used.
The same is true for our lives. Life isn't always fair. We are dealt with disease, poverty, being fired from a job, a loved one turning on us, wars, and race turning against race. If you step back and take a look at our world - you can sometimes just shake your head at the things people are going through and you can ask why is this happening...OR...you can choose to rise up against it and be the change, knowing that you have VALUE. You've been stepped on, spit on, your full of dirt, and you've been ripped in so many places. But the truth is suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Therefore, over time if you allow yourself, you will be brushed off, cleaned up, flattened, and mended back together. Nothing can interfere with your purpose and your destination if you don't allow it. I have value, you have value, we have value and we can achieve great things and be the change!
Yesterday afternoon Christa and I had an interview with a newspaper and the reporter asked how do I go from a state of being mad, hearing the prognosis that my cancer had come back, thinking I am going to die, to a state of mind with a positive energy, a passion to fight with all that I have, knowing that I am going to be okay, and not allowing this to get the best of myself.
My answer was very simple and the reporter seemed in awe that this is actually possible. The first time I went through cancer I was only 14 - so you can imagine the shock and the fear that I was experiencing at that time in my life. Not having a clue about cancer, the treatments, the pain, or anything I was about to undergo I immediately thought I was going to die. I had a death sentence and I felt like it didn't matter what I did it wouldn't change my outcome.
You never really have time to accept that type of news...things just happen so fast and all of a sudden your thrown into the ride of your life of a roller coaster and you have no clue what to expect. You haven't had the chance to stand on the ground and observer this thing. You don't know where the loops and twists and turns are, you don't know if the bolts are securely fastened - you don't know anything. It's just buckle up and here we go! But over time as I became comfortable and understanding of my situation there were times when my attitude was running on high and I was full of fighting power. During those times...my treatments were successful. Side effects were minimal, my counts started to come back up, my appetite came around, my energy increased, and my overall emotional and mental strength rose higher. But during the times that I was discouraged and focused on my situation and allowed my mind to be filled with feelings and fear and anxiety - those were the times the treatments weren't doing what they were supposed to do, the times I was hospitalized with infections and my counts dropping to a severely low level and my mind had no drive to fight. I was done.
This time around - because I have been through cancer before I knew what to expect but I also knew that my attitude would be a large percentage of my battle. And say it's just coincidence or just how things happen - but this time around I have seen those patients who have a terrible attitude and are allowing their illness to get the best of them and they are struggling. They are having a hell of a ride and they are filled with fear, anxiety, worry, and depression. And I have seen the patients who have a strong attitude and a desire to beat this thing out of their world. Like the lady who walks around the unit all day every day choosing not to lie in bed all day and soak in her disease. Or the guy who walks on the treadmill with his IV hooked up to him, or the other guy who is bald and has chemo pumping through his system but still works out and maintains a fit body and chooses to bring his meals to the common area and eats in front of the TV rather then staying in his room all by himself and being lonely. Those are the ones who are having a walk in the park with this and have chosen to take an obstacle in their life and say - BRING IT ON! It is evident that our attitude plays a vital role in the challenges that we face in life - not just cancer or disease, but in any obstacle or challenge that comes our way.
Before I wrap up today's journal I must acknowledge the continued support and encouraging energies that are being sent our way. We are so blessed and grateful for those who have stood up behind us and are cheering us on running with us to the finish line. We have continued to receive countless emails from people across this country and have even learnt that people are dedicating their Canadian Cancer Relay For Life event in honor of Christa and I and one person is also doing the Bike Ride to Conquer Cancer in support of us as well!
We are so grateful for the support and look forward to participating in some of those events in the following years!
Take care friends!
Tim Harriman
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Laundry
When it’s exciting to sit down as a couple and sort laundry together, you know you’ve been deprived. Actually, deprived isn’t the right word, because Tim and I have shared some pretty special moments in the past month of being married, but it’s amazing the things married couples take for granted, like waking up beside each other, cooking breakfast together, creating two sets of toothpaste spit in the sink, changing the toilet paper...again, having the sheets stolen, and doing yet another load of laundry.
At the end of the day, when my back hurts from lugging around that vacuum cleaner, and sweeping up the crumbs, I look over at my husband and grin. This is it. This is married life. We are here, and we are enjoying it. There is an awesome speaker I listen to named Joyce Myer, and many times throughout the day I can hear her in my head. “Maybe you don’t need to wash the floor today, maybe you need to put the wife duties away for a minute and spend time with the one you love, or just go relax for a few!” All of us need to relax, enjoy the toothpaste spit and soak up each moment we have with our families.
As Tim said in his blog, his stem cell collection was in every way a miracle. Sitting beside him as his blood pumped into the machine was the most incredible thing I’ve seen. The blood in those tubes allows him to breath, fight infection, laugh, run, smile, cry, and live. All I saw was purity, newness and a fresh beginning. As they freeze those stem cells, I know without a doubt that when they are infused back into him, his body will once again start fresh, and all because of the prayers of hundreds of people and a God power flowing through Tim.
It’s funny how negativity can try its best to creep in. It tries, but it always fails. Tim is always telling the nurses, “nope, that won’t be me that experiences that side effect...” and he doesn’t.
Tim, you have taught me how to apply that principle to every area of life. Example; I’ve just begun upgrading for nursing in the new year, and I am not a strong math person. Just looking at the cover of the text book is daunting. What if I fail math? What if I can’t go on to nursing? And then I remember a moment at the hospital as the nurse looked at Tim as she was infusing his last bag of chemo... “When you stand up you may feel dizzy, and some people have an allergic reaction, if you notice hives, shortness of breath or anything different, call me right away.” Tim fires back.. “That won’t be me!” The nurse laughed and said “Good!” and his treatment continued that day with no complications. This is the weapon he fights and wins with every day.
Don’t get me wrong, you can’t walk around life expecting everything to be perfect, you cannot expect that when you slice your hand along a fresh piece of printer paper that you won’t get a paper cut, because you will, and if you don’t you need to lay off the yard work, but instead of living life focused on the “what if’s” and “maybe’s” fix your eyes on the one who is greater than all of this earthly business. He is our answer each day, and Tim and I know that each step of this battle has been made perfect by HIM! We can’t do this on our own, nor do we want to, this is a three person team.
Tim’s amazing perseverance pushes me past my own limitations. Tim will conquer cancer again, and his attitude and strength within will carry him through. If the patients at the Tom Baker can fight with everything they have, and Tim can call this battle done, anybody can accomplish anything they fight for. Tim has dreams, and so do I. We will do whatever we must to get there!
The next two weeks together will be amazing, and the weeks following them will be even better.
Why?
Because it is a choice, an attitude, and a faith that cannot be broken. We will win!
At the end of the day, when my back hurts from lugging around that vacuum cleaner, and sweeping up the crumbs, I look over at my husband and grin. This is it. This is married life. We are here, and we are enjoying it. There is an awesome speaker I listen to named Joyce Myer, and many times throughout the day I can hear her in my head. “Maybe you don’t need to wash the floor today, maybe you need to put the wife duties away for a minute and spend time with the one you love, or just go relax for a few!” All of us need to relax, enjoy the toothpaste spit and soak up each moment we have with our families.
As Tim said in his blog, his stem cell collection was in every way a miracle. Sitting beside him as his blood pumped into the machine was the most incredible thing I’ve seen. The blood in those tubes allows him to breath, fight infection, laugh, run, smile, cry, and live. All I saw was purity, newness and a fresh beginning. As they freeze those stem cells, I know without a doubt that when they are infused back into him, his body will once again start fresh, and all because of the prayers of hundreds of people and a God power flowing through Tim.
It’s funny how negativity can try its best to creep in. It tries, but it always fails. Tim is always telling the nurses, “nope, that won’t be me that experiences that side effect...” and he doesn’t.
Tim, you have taught me how to apply that principle to every area of life. Example; I’ve just begun upgrading for nursing in the new year, and I am not a strong math person. Just looking at the cover of the text book is daunting. What if I fail math? What if I can’t go on to nursing? And then I remember a moment at the hospital as the nurse looked at Tim as she was infusing his last bag of chemo... “When you stand up you may feel dizzy, and some people have an allergic reaction, if you notice hives, shortness of breath or anything different, call me right away.” Tim fires back.. “That won’t be me!” The nurse laughed and said “Good!” and his treatment continued that day with no complications. This is the weapon he fights and wins with every day.
Don’t get me wrong, you can’t walk around life expecting everything to be perfect, you cannot expect that when you slice your hand along a fresh piece of printer paper that you won’t get a paper cut, because you will, and if you don’t you need to lay off the yard work, but instead of living life focused on the “what if’s” and “maybe’s” fix your eyes on the one who is greater than all of this earthly business. He is our answer each day, and Tim and I know that each step of this battle has been made perfect by HIM! We can’t do this on our own, nor do we want to, this is a three person team.
Tim’s amazing perseverance pushes me past my own limitations. Tim will conquer cancer again, and his attitude and strength within will carry him through. If the patients at the Tom Baker can fight with everything they have, and Tim can call this battle done, anybody can accomplish anything they fight for. Tim has dreams, and so do I. We will do whatever we must to get there!
The next two weeks together will be amazing, and the weeks following them will be even better.
Why?
Because it is a choice, an attitude, and a faith that cannot be broken. We will win!
More pictures!!!
There it is! My Stem Cells. My life in a bag...haha! That's random
Christa surprised me and brought cake to the hospital and also threw a big bash for me once we got home!
Hanging out during my collection.
More shots of my stem cell...
The machine to the right is what seperates my stem cells and returns my blood back to my body...a very interesting process.Tuesday, June 16, 2009
June 16 - Day 16
Wow! It amazes me how fast time really does travel. Here we are on June 16th...only 1 more month away from the finish line. It is in view. I can see it. I am picturing it. I am running for it. I will not give up! It's amazing! I see incredible things. Though it is slightly blurry and I can't make out everything...I know it will be so overwhelming and tears of joy will fill the eyes of those present.
In my last few blogs I have talked about this strength that we must search deep within ourselves, grab it and pull it out. How we must find that passion and desire within us and allow it to rise up against obstacles and challenges that come our way. Finding peace in the midst of storms. Building perseverance when all hell breaks loose. And CHOOSING to fight with all that we have.
As challenging as a few days were (mentally), it has paid off. Yesterday was like passing the biggest test I've ever had to complete in my whole life. When that stem cell machine beeped marking the end of the collection process this massive wave of peace and a big breath of fresh air filled my lungs. It's almost as if this whole time I've been fighting, fighting, fighting and just kept fighting with all that I have and just when I felt like taking a break and just pausing for a second the horn went. The battle was over! We conquered it. We beat it! Yesterday was filled with so many emotions. Excitement, tears of joy, feelings of strength and courage, a peace.
So here is a recap of how everything has gone this past week:
Why was I even admitted to hospital anyway this week? I felt great! I was eating lots, doing a relatively good job at maintaining my body weight. Haven't been sick...so why the heck am I hear. I get these day passes and then have to come back at 9PM to sleep in some bed that I feel 10feet high in and then wake up and come home. I'm not hooked up to anything except for 30mins at 11PM, 5PM and noon. Knowing not to go against my doctor's knowledge (unlike Mr know-it-all who thought I had shingles...pff) I thought I better dare not question her doings. But finally, I had enough. This was becoming challenging on Christa and I since it's our second week of marriage and I feel great. I want to be home with her. I don't even know why I am in hospital, and I'm starting to get pretty bored...Oprah and Dr. Phil can only do the trick for so long...and even then I feel like they are my best friends at this point for I know them now oh so well thank God for television, friendships are enhanced to even greater levels. Updating my facebook status and checking updates only becomes exciting once and then die's off pretty quickly...and those scuff marks I was talking about on the hallway floors...they will always be there.
So getting back to my story, I said to the doctor - Listen, I don't want to mess anything up and I know I am here for a reason, but can you explain to me what's going on. I want to go home. Turns out I'm neutropenic (no immune system) so I had to stay there on antibiotics just as a precaution so that I didn't get any infections or viruses, after all I've come so far and was on schedule with everything with NO side effects or any symptoms...so why screw anything up.
However, even though I haven't had any side effects from the treatments you have no clue how much opposition has come our way pressed on every single side that the enemy is using to try and get me off track. He knows I've been through this before, cycled across Canada, spoken to thousands if not million's through media and speaking engagements and am now battling cancer again. The enemy knows that I am out to make an impact and will do whatever it takes to get in my way and interfere with my 'I Must'. But I tell you, nothing will shake my grounds! I am built on a strong foundation. I am not built on sinking sands. My feet do not waver. My eyes are focused. My autopilot is set. Fear does not consume me. Worry does not come upon me. When doctor's and/or nurses told me that I would not be ready for collection and that I probably wouldn't have enough cells and would have to do the test over two days. When I was told I would be in the hospital for at least 3 weeks. When I was told I would have 6 - 8 months left to live...I sat there in that doctors room, hospital bed or where ever I was and CHOSE to accept the facts but rose up and said NO! NOT ME! I am different. There is something different in me! Watch me. Get out your history books docs, because I am in there. Statistics...pff...who are they?
Sunday night Christa took me back to the hospital and we both walked into that hospital prepared and ready for battle because we knew that the next day would require some armor and lots of battling gear. The nurse came in and said - so doesn't look like we are going through with the collection tomorrow...your counts just aren't coming up fast enough. This is when I felt like saying Lady...I'm not normal. We know that. Doctor's always tell me they can't figure me out. I'm crazy. I just baffle their minds. I am not normal. But instead I choose to just lie there in my bed and put everything up to the big guy who is in charge.
At the last minute the doctor decides to up my G shots and see if they can help my body a bit. What do ya know? 8AM Monday morning...my doctor walks in and says Tim - Your ready! The team is waiting for you...let's go.
People I am telling you no word of a lie...yes I had a little help with some medications but these doctors do stem cells transplants every week. Tom Baker performs over 70 stem cell transplant a year. They are experts. When they say your not a go and things aren't coming along fast enough (there coming along...just not quick enough...this is still good news...it's not bad) they are usually if not always right at predicting and saying your not ready, the test isn't happening yet. There are people who are still on the ward and have been waiting for 45 days for their stem cell to happen and their body is still waiting!
I went down for collection - they hooked me up to the machine which was supposed to take 8 hours and possibly 2 days. The nurse who did my collection said she has been doing this for a long time - and she said the color of my cells looked amazing. They looked strong and healthy. They needed 365 million cells and within 2 hours they had over and beyond what they needed! I was unhooked and on my way home.
Not only was it my birthday yesterday but it was the day to mark the beginning of a new life. Stem Cells is what feeds our body. Life flows in our cells. Seeing my life flow out of my body and into a machine which then flow into a bag and is frozen for weeks and matured before given back to me - is so powerful. To express how I felt seeing my life flow through lines and through all these pumps and machines and dials and to know that they are clean. They are being restored. No cancer flows in those cells. It will come back to me free of cancer, free of disease, free of any defects or illnesses and come back into my body and give me life once again - would be like trying to explain outer space and our solar system. It's so complicated but yet such a connecting emotional experience.
I am home now well and alive! I had an amazing birthday dinner cooked by my one and only Christa Harriman followed by friends and family for cake and time together with laughter and joy!
The next few weeks will be spent camping it up and enjoying the outdoors, living life and soaking it up, and will probably include the first writings of our first book together which we hope to see on shelves in the near future!
We received an email the other day from City of Airdrie who was hoping to stop by and visit us and deliver a bulk order of magazines to us but the lady told us that since they published the story, the emails and phone calls have not stopped about our story.
It is our hope that our story brings a message of hope. That it can counsel those who are going through some horrific or to someone who is yet to experience something tragic in their life. We all have things that come our way. Life doesn't always deal the cards we were hoping or expecting but we must choose to play wisely because how we play this hand can really determine the next hand and how we will play that one.
Stay strong, press on, and keep on keepin on!
Tim Harriman
In my last few blogs I have talked about this strength that we must search deep within ourselves, grab it and pull it out. How we must find that passion and desire within us and allow it to rise up against obstacles and challenges that come our way. Finding peace in the midst of storms. Building perseverance when all hell breaks loose. And CHOOSING to fight with all that we have.
As challenging as a few days were (mentally), it has paid off. Yesterday was like passing the biggest test I've ever had to complete in my whole life. When that stem cell machine beeped marking the end of the collection process this massive wave of peace and a big breath of fresh air filled my lungs. It's almost as if this whole time I've been fighting, fighting, fighting and just kept fighting with all that I have and just when I felt like taking a break and just pausing for a second the horn went. The battle was over! We conquered it. We beat it! Yesterday was filled with so many emotions. Excitement, tears of joy, feelings of strength and courage, a peace.
So here is a recap of how everything has gone this past week:
Why was I even admitted to hospital anyway this week? I felt great! I was eating lots, doing a relatively good job at maintaining my body weight. Haven't been sick...so why the heck am I hear. I get these day passes and then have to come back at 9PM to sleep in some bed that I feel 10feet high in and then wake up and come home. I'm not hooked up to anything except for 30mins at 11PM, 5PM and noon. Knowing not to go against my doctor's knowledge (unlike Mr know-it-all who thought I had shingles...pff) I thought I better dare not question her doings. But finally, I had enough. This was becoming challenging on Christa and I since it's our second week of marriage and I feel great. I want to be home with her. I don't even know why I am in hospital, and I'm starting to get pretty bored...Oprah and Dr. Phil can only do the trick for so long...and even then I feel like they are my best friends at this point for I know them now oh so well thank God for television, friendships are enhanced to even greater levels. Updating my facebook status and checking updates only becomes exciting once and then die's off pretty quickly...and those scuff marks I was talking about on the hallway floors...they will always be there.
So getting back to my story, I said to the doctor - Listen, I don't want to mess anything up and I know I am here for a reason, but can you explain to me what's going on. I want to go home. Turns out I'm neutropenic (no immune system) so I had to stay there on antibiotics just as a precaution so that I didn't get any infections or viruses, after all I've come so far and was on schedule with everything with NO side effects or any symptoms...so why screw anything up.
However, even though I haven't had any side effects from the treatments you have no clue how much opposition has come our way pressed on every single side that the enemy is using to try and get me off track. He knows I've been through this before, cycled across Canada, spoken to thousands if not million's through media and speaking engagements and am now battling cancer again. The enemy knows that I am out to make an impact and will do whatever it takes to get in my way and interfere with my 'I Must'. But I tell you, nothing will shake my grounds! I am built on a strong foundation. I am not built on sinking sands. My feet do not waver. My eyes are focused. My autopilot is set. Fear does not consume me. Worry does not come upon me. When doctor's and/or nurses told me that I would not be ready for collection and that I probably wouldn't have enough cells and would have to do the test over two days. When I was told I would be in the hospital for at least 3 weeks. When I was told I would have 6 - 8 months left to live...I sat there in that doctors room, hospital bed or where ever I was and CHOSE to accept the facts but rose up and said NO! NOT ME! I am different. There is something different in me! Watch me. Get out your history books docs, because I am in there. Statistics...pff...who are they?
Sunday night Christa took me back to the hospital and we both walked into that hospital prepared and ready for battle because we knew that the next day would require some armor and lots of battling gear. The nurse came in and said - so doesn't look like we are going through with the collection tomorrow...your counts just aren't coming up fast enough. This is when I felt like saying Lady...I'm not normal. We know that. Doctor's always tell me they can't figure me out. I'm crazy. I just baffle their minds. I am not normal. But instead I choose to just lie there in my bed and put everything up to the big guy who is in charge.
At the last minute the doctor decides to up my G shots and see if they can help my body a bit. What do ya know? 8AM Monday morning...my doctor walks in and says Tim - Your ready! The team is waiting for you...let's go.
People I am telling you no word of a lie...yes I had a little help with some medications but these doctors do stem cells transplants every week. Tom Baker performs over 70 stem cell transplant a year. They are experts. When they say your not a go and things aren't coming along fast enough (there coming along...just not quick enough...this is still good news...it's not bad) they are usually if not always right at predicting and saying your not ready, the test isn't happening yet. There are people who are still on the ward and have been waiting for 45 days for their stem cell to happen and their body is still waiting!
I went down for collection - they hooked me up to the machine which was supposed to take 8 hours and possibly 2 days. The nurse who did my collection said she has been doing this for a long time - and she said the color of my cells looked amazing. They looked strong and healthy. They needed 365 million cells and within 2 hours they had over and beyond what they needed! I was unhooked and on my way home.
Not only was it my birthday yesterday but it was the day to mark the beginning of a new life. Stem Cells is what feeds our body. Life flows in our cells. Seeing my life flow out of my body and into a machine which then flow into a bag and is frozen for weeks and matured before given back to me - is so powerful. To express how I felt seeing my life flow through lines and through all these pumps and machines and dials and to know that they are clean. They are being restored. No cancer flows in those cells. It will come back to me free of cancer, free of disease, free of any defects or illnesses and come back into my body and give me life once again - would be like trying to explain outer space and our solar system. It's so complicated but yet such a connecting emotional experience.
I am home now well and alive! I had an amazing birthday dinner cooked by my one and only Christa Harriman followed by friends and family for cake and time together with laughter and joy!
The next few weeks will be spent camping it up and enjoying the outdoors, living life and soaking it up, and will probably include the first writings of our first book together which we hope to see on shelves in the near future!
We received an email the other day from City of Airdrie who was hoping to stop by and visit us and deliver a bulk order of magazines to us but the lady told us that since they published the story, the emails and phone calls have not stopped about our story.
It is our hope that our story brings a message of hope. That it can counsel those who are going through some horrific or to someone who is yet to experience something tragic in their life. We all have things that come our way. Life doesn't always deal the cards we were hoping or expecting but we must choose to play wisely because how we play this hand can really determine the next hand and how we will play that one.
Stay strong, press on, and keep on keepin on!
Tim Harriman
Sunday, June 14, 2009
A few pictures...
Here are some pictures for you to enjoy...
Supper last night. The plate was a little slippery. Ooops.
Get er' done! Buzzin' it off...yes, i'm going for a new look these days.
Enjoying some outdoor weather on a day off.
Me controllin the wheel for a change.
Welcome to my office. This is where it all happens.
Friday, June 12, 2009
June 13 - Day 13
OOOOOOOOoooooohhhh....Do your ears hang low do they wobble to the floor, can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow....
....Sorry bout that ;) I don't even know what I'm singing. Going a little crazy here in this place. Just Kidding ;)
Alright, another long story to tell but this one is funny. Who da man?
The very first day when I had my central line put in I told the surgeon I was allergic to a certain dressing (the bandage that goes over IV sites)and said that I would break out. For at least 24hrs I had to wear the kind of dressing that I would react to but after I could change it to the one that works for me. I said to Christa, "Watch, literally within a day I will break out with spots all over my chest, you watch."
My gosh boy ol' golly (add a little southern farmer tone in there) what happens? Within a day, I look like a leopard. Next thing I know infectious disease is in my room, doctors and nurses are standing around my bed dressed from head to toe in gowns, masks, and gloves up to their arm pits wondering what's wrong with me!
(These are my thoughts. I would not be as stupid to express them verbally at the time.) Excusing me...can you not see I'm watching TV...your interrupting a very important moment in my life. And then one dude, who looks like he's part of house cleaning who is not wearing any identification that I can see of tells me I have shingles! Shingles! Are you crazy! Do you even know what the definition of shingles is? Shingles...pff...cry me a river and I'll build ya boat.
So anyways, enough with all the craziness. After they all they leave, one of my nurses comes in the room and I ask her - who was that dude? She kind of gives me the look with the impression like 'I know what you mean'. Apparently he was the Nurse in Charge for that day. I thought to myself - Nurse in charge...okay...listen here Eddy Stelmach or whoever is in charge up there in the big E city. I know were desperate for nurses and very short but I mean where are we getting them from. For all I know this guy walked in the back door down at the kitchen, clocked junior in the head, threw him in the dumpster, put on his uniform but of course forgot the dudes ID card and walks around from unit to unit calling all these crazy shots.
Oh and that's not the end of it. The TV girl comes to renew our TV for the day all while Mr. Know-it-all and his 'peeps' are hanging outside of my room 'brainstorming' what to do with me. The lady says how long would you like to renew your TV for? Ah..1 day should be good. All of a sudden buddy interrupts Christa and says oh, you'll need it for more than a day. He's not getting out of here until end of next week for sure. He's neutropenic (which means I have no Immune System...and that's true)...but then he goes off to say I am infection disease, I'm not going to be ready for collection on Monday and just runs down the list of all these crazy things. Alright Captain, thanks for coming out but we'll let the doctor be the judge of this one.
A little while later: Low and behold, who walks in? Doctor. Hi Tim! How are you doing? Great! Want to go home for the day? Oh sure! I would love that!
Ha! Take that Captain! Guess ya failed that one. And, oh. where have the spots gone? Gee I don't know. Maybe there disappearing because I said I am allergic which means my skin doesn't like that type of dressing. Shingles. Pff. *Shaking my head*
So. Like I said, the doctor did give me a day pass yesterday with hopes that my counts will start to climb (which they have control over because they can just increase my dose in the G shots). Yesterday my doctor said they will review my chart again and if my counts are starting to climb then they don't see why I won't be allowed to go home again for a little while. And this morning when the nurse came in with my blood test results it showed that my White Blood Cells are starting to rise! That's what we want! Now we just need to get em a little higher so that my body will be ready for Stem Cell Collection on Monday. Then I have a few weeks off (might take up some camping with my beautiful wife)and we return for the first week of July to do the transplant and then guess what. I'm finito! And will be out of here by July 16!
To be honest with you, this whole process has not been what I expected at all. I haven't even felt the effects of chemo, I'm actually considering getting a hair cut cause it's getting a little out of control, and I've actually felt a lot healthier then I felt before. Most nights I have a great sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and charged for the day...
Just waiting for the doctor to make his rounds which will let me know if I can have another day pass or not. And from what I know, if my counts came up today (which they did) they might consider discharging me :)
Have a great weekend! It's been a blast as always!
The one and only Timmy H
PS. We will get some photo's up soon:)
....Sorry bout that ;) I don't even know what I'm singing. Going a little crazy here in this place. Just Kidding ;)
Alright, another long story to tell but this one is funny. Who da man?
The very first day when I had my central line put in I told the surgeon I was allergic to a certain dressing (the bandage that goes over IV sites)and said that I would break out. For at least 24hrs I had to wear the kind of dressing that I would react to but after I could change it to the one that works for me. I said to Christa, "Watch, literally within a day I will break out with spots all over my chest, you watch."
My gosh boy ol' golly (add a little southern farmer tone in there) what happens? Within a day, I look like a leopard. Next thing I know infectious disease is in my room, doctors and nurses are standing around my bed dressed from head to toe in gowns, masks, and gloves up to their arm pits wondering what's wrong with me!
(These are my thoughts. I would not be as stupid to express them verbally at the time.) Excusing me...can you not see I'm watching TV...your interrupting a very important moment in my life. And then one dude, who looks like he's part of house cleaning who is not wearing any identification that I can see of tells me I have shingles! Shingles! Are you crazy! Do you even know what the definition of shingles is? Shingles...pff...cry me a river and I'll build ya boat.
So anyways, enough with all the craziness. After they all they leave, one of my nurses comes in the room and I ask her - who was that dude? She kind of gives me the look with the impression like 'I know what you mean'. Apparently he was the Nurse in Charge for that day. I thought to myself - Nurse in charge...okay...listen here Eddy Stelmach or whoever is in charge up there in the big E city. I know were desperate for nurses and very short but I mean where are we getting them from. For all I know this guy walked in the back door down at the kitchen, clocked junior in the head, threw him in the dumpster, put on his uniform but of course forgot the dudes ID card and walks around from unit to unit calling all these crazy shots.
Oh and that's not the end of it. The TV girl comes to renew our TV for the day all while Mr. Know-it-all and his 'peeps' are hanging outside of my room 'brainstorming' what to do with me. The lady says how long would you like to renew your TV for? Ah..1 day should be good. All of a sudden buddy interrupts Christa and says oh, you'll need it for more than a day. He's not getting out of here until end of next week for sure. He's neutropenic (which means I have no Immune System...and that's true)...but then he goes off to say I am infection disease, I'm not going to be ready for collection on Monday and just runs down the list of all these crazy things. Alright Captain, thanks for coming out but we'll let the doctor be the judge of this one.
A little while later: Low and behold, who walks in? Doctor. Hi Tim! How are you doing? Great! Want to go home for the day? Oh sure! I would love that!
Ha! Take that Captain! Guess ya failed that one. And, oh. where have the spots gone? Gee I don't know. Maybe there disappearing because I said I am allergic which means my skin doesn't like that type of dressing. Shingles. Pff. *Shaking my head*
So. Like I said, the doctor did give me a day pass yesterday with hopes that my counts will start to climb (which they have control over because they can just increase my dose in the G shots). Yesterday my doctor said they will review my chart again and if my counts are starting to climb then they don't see why I won't be allowed to go home again for a little while. And this morning when the nurse came in with my blood test results it showed that my White Blood Cells are starting to rise! That's what we want! Now we just need to get em a little higher so that my body will be ready for Stem Cell Collection on Monday. Then I have a few weeks off (might take up some camping with my beautiful wife)and we return for the first week of July to do the transplant and then guess what. I'm finito! And will be out of here by July 16!
To be honest with you, this whole process has not been what I expected at all. I haven't even felt the effects of chemo, I'm actually considering getting a hair cut cause it's getting a little out of control, and I've actually felt a lot healthier then I felt before. Most nights I have a great sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and charged for the day...
Just waiting for the doctor to make his rounds which will let me know if I can have another day pass or not. And from what I know, if my counts came up today (which they did) they might consider discharging me :)
Have a great weekend! It's been a blast as always!
The one and only Timmy H
PS. We will get some photo's up soon:)
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