(Banana Bread from Moma Karen, yum! Tim adding some much needed coolness to the situation!)I'm sitting here listening to what would have been our reception music, and eating a red Popsicle. The goodness of it wore off just now, so its sitting there melting on a post it note. I can't throw it in the garbage here, so I'll wait till I'm done writing.
I don't really know why I am here to write--or what to write about, sometimes you just need to let it out. Tim is resting. Some of the medications he is on mess with his sleeping schedule. He still sleeps through the night (which is an answer to prayer!) but finds himself sleeping most of the afternoon. Last year, I used to get restless with him sleeping so much, but now, when I see him sleeping there, peace just warms me. The rest is what will help heal his body.
(this is the light at the end of the tunnel..what a sign!)There is this song that I had planned to sing to Tim at our wedding. There is a line in the song I used to get butterflies over...this song used to be played all the time in my bedroom long before I dated Tim. The line says "Let me know you would fight thousands for my love." O, I used to sit there and wonder if the man I was to marry would fight for me, would fight for my love, would never let anything else get in the way. Every woman desires to be fought for...I sure did. Now that line means something totally different to me. The roles have changed. Now, Tim is fighting for his life, and we am fighting off the thousands of things that may try to get in his way. I have this picture of him and I hand in hand just blitzing this stupid cancer, and when he needs to rest, I will always continue to help him, stand beside him and let him know that I love him without measure. It's funny though, he is so selfless even when he shouldn't be. Tim puts on his armor everyday and fights. I have no doubt that he will be successful, he will never quit. This is a FIGHT. But we are fighting the GOOD fight here.
People don't realize what this is like, unless they are going through it directly. If you've had or have a close family member, mom, dad, sister, husband, brother facing Cancer, you know what its like to have a pit in your stomach most of the day. If you are fighting Cancer--you know that it takes every ounce of strength to keep going every day. You know that its impossible to make it without a higher power, without positive everything all around, without love. Caregiver or Fighter, this process is set apart from anything else in the world. Nothing could compare. In this battle, I hope you realize and discover what a great and powerful God we have. Even if you don't think He cares..and He has let you down, He hasn't. O trust me, He has not, and will not. Fighter or Caregiver, you are NOT alone.
We're home for tonight and tomorrow night, and have to return Sunday morning. Tim will probably need a blood transfusion which is totally normal as his counts start to fall. The cancer is disappearing. Then he has from Sunday till the following Friday off. He has another dose of chemo next Friday, but until then, we're praying he can stay home. He needs home. Especially since this came on so suddenly. Its funny how you take for granted that you'll fall asleep beside your husband each night, and when you don't get to...it aches. At least we have tonight and tomorrow. Its about treasuring the little things right? Treasure who you have beside you at night. Tell them you treasure them.
ENJOY your day. :)
For those of you who pray..here are some specific things to lift up to our God whose promise is YES and AMEN:
-That these blast cells would continue to disappear and STAY away.
-A clear bone marrow aspirate in a few weeks. They will recheck to make sure the marrow isn't producing more cancer cells, and WE know it won't be!
-Freedom from side effects (the bible says that even though people are affected left and right, it won't touch you!) We come against any negative side effects from these drugs and chemos!
-Peace and supernatural strength
-That Tim would be able to rest at home ALOT this journey.
-NO mucositis.
-That we together would impact the unit we are on, and the people there. Alot of the people on the unit are pretty hopeless. Even if we don't speak, we want people to see a contagious strength through Tim and I.
-That Jerry or Andrew would be a PERFECT 10 out of 10 match for Tim. That God would begin to purify their cells for the transplant...and Tims too. We're praising God for the victory ALREADY!
Thanks everybody! We will update you!
