Red Popsicle

(Banana Bread from Moma Karen, yum! Tim adding some much needed coolness to the situation!)

I'm sitting here listening to what would have been our reception music, and eating a red Popsicle. The goodness of it wore off just now, so its sitting there melting on a post it note. I can't throw it in the garbage here, so I'll wait till I'm done writing.

I don't really know why I am here to write--or what to write about, sometimes you just need to let it out. Tim is resting. Some of the medications he is on mess with his sleeping schedule. He still sleeps through the night (which is an answer to prayer!) but finds himself sleeping most of the afternoon. Last year, I used to get restless with him sleeping so much, but now, when I see him sleeping there, peace just warms me. The rest is what will help heal his body.

(this is the light at the end of the tunnel..what a sign!)



There is this song that I had planned to sing to Tim at our wedding. There is a line in the song I used to get butterflies over...this song used to be played all the time in my bedroom long before I dated Tim. The line says "Let me know you would fight thousands for my love." O, I used to sit there and wonder if the man I was to marry would fight for me, would fight for my love, would never let anything else get in the way. Every woman desires to be fought for...I sure did. Now that line means something totally different to me. The roles have changed. Now, Tim is fighting for his life, and we am fighting off the thousands of things that may try to get in his way. I have this picture of him and I hand in hand just blitzing this stupid cancer, and when he needs to rest, I will always continue to help him, stand beside him and let him know that I love him without measure. It's funny though, he is so selfless even when he shouldn't be. Tim puts on his armor everyday and fights. I have no doubt that he will be successful, he will never quit. This is a FIGHT. But we are fighting the GOOD fight here.

People don't realize what this is like, unless they are going through it directly. If you've had or have a close family member, mom, dad, sister, husband, brother facing Cancer, you know what its like to have a pit in your stomach most of the day. If you are fighting Cancer--you know that it takes every ounce of strength to keep going every day. You know that its impossible to make it without a higher power, without positive everything all around, without love. Caregiver or Fighter, this process is set apart from anything else in the world. Nothing could compare. In this battle, I hope you realize and discover what a great and powerful God we have. Even if you don't think He cares..and He has let you down, He hasn't. O trust me, He has not, and will not. Fighter or Caregiver, you are NOT alone.


We're home for tonight and tomorrow night, and have to return Sunday morning. Tim will probably need a blood transfusion which is totally normal as his counts start to fall. The cancer is disappearing. Then he has from Sunday till the following Friday off. He has another dose of chemo next Friday, but until then, we're praying he can stay home. He needs home. Especially since this came on so suddenly. Its funny how you take for granted that you'll fall asleep beside your husband each night, and when you don't get to...it aches. At least we have tonight and tomorrow. Its about treasuring the little things right? Treasure who you have beside you at night. Tell them you treasure them.

ENJOY your day. :)

For those of you who pray..here are some specific things to lift up to our God whose promise is YES and AMEN:

-That these blast cells would continue to disappear and STAY away.
-A clear bone marrow aspirate in a few weeks. They will recheck to make sure the marrow isn't producing more cancer cells, and WE know it won't be!
-Freedom from side effects (the bible says that even though people are affected left and right, it won't touch you!) We come against any negative side effects from these drugs and chemos!
-Peace and supernatural strength
-That Tim would be able to rest at home ALOT this journey.
-NO mucositis.
-That we together would impact the unit we are on, and the people there. Alot of the people on the unit are pretty hopeless. Even if we don't speak, we want people to see a contagious strength through Tim and I.
-That Jerry or Andrew would be a PERFECT 10 out of 10 match for Tim. That God would begin to purify their cells for the transplant...and Tims too. We're praising God for the victory ALREADY!

Thanks everybody! We will update you!

Off to War

We have some incredible people serving our nation. They selflessly leave family and friends and fight for the freedom of their country. They stick on that uniform and go into warrior mode.

Tim and I are going to war...but its a war against Leukemia this time.

Sometimes we can't believe its back, sometimes we shake our heads and wonder.

This is Tims third time with Cancer, and frankly its brutal. BUT, we will never ever falter, never quit, never live in the pits, we WILL rise above yet again.

Here is the plan: Tim has begun two rounds of chemotherapy. The first week is almost done. After that he has a few days off, then another round of chemo. These first few weeks of chemo are to put him into remission. So far he has gone from 20 blast cells to 2.2 blast cells, so its working! We are under the understanding that he will then have recovery time allowing his counts to return to normal and then face more intense chemo to completely knock out his bone marrow to make room for the donor bone marrow transplant. Both of his brothers were a match in 2002, so they are retesting them. It looks like one of them will be donating their bone marrow to save Tims life.

After the transplant, it takes 7-10 days to see the counts start to come up. THEN, its all uphill from there. We are believing for the same things as last time. Minimal side effects, (Tim didn't have ANY of the side effects they said he would) and no infection. We trust that this transplant will be curative and even though its another tough road, there is a big bright light at the end of the tunnel.

We can't wait to have a life free of Cancer. It is going to be amazing. We are almost there.

Tim is doing really well guys, although having to face this again and again gets tiring. Its taken alot to get used to. Life was going so well, we were planning another wedding celebration for the summer, Tim had been promoted and was loving work, I was accepted and supposed to start nursing, we were planning our honeymoon, life without Cancer was amazing. Even in the midst of all of that..and then now, life is still amazing. We won't let disease take our joy, nothing will. War is never fun, but its worth it.

We have a big support team behind us, and need to thank alot of people;

Dr. Anthony- Thank you for breaking the news to Tim and I in such a kind and compassionate way. You are such a light, we really appreciate you. Tim is so lucky to have a doctor like you.

Unit 57- Wow. Youguys are amazing. Thank you to the nurses who take exceptional care of Tim. You are always ready and willing to do anything to make this journey better for him. We are really lucky to be on this unit...we wouldn't want to be anywhere else. To the rest of the staff--you guys add such joy to the unit. We thank you for that!

Amber- Thank you for letting me stay at your place, so close to Tim. Thanks for packing me leftovers and baking for Tim. Like I said yesterday, you offer such a peaceful environment. Its hard leaving Tim at the hospital each night, but it makes it easier knowing I am so warmly welcomed at your place.

Springs- Thank you for praying and fighting along side of us. We are blown away with the support. THANK YOU for donating your platelets and eagerly encouraging and uplifting us. Keep those warrior prayers coming.

Parents- Thanks for your support. We can't do this without you. Thanks for accommodating us so well and making sure we are well taken care of. We love youguys.

No matter what happens in your life or the lives of those around you..God is good, He is the healer and sustainer of Tims life! We will win!

-Christa Harriman

Feb. 21-2010

Hey Guys,

Just wanted to update you all that as of Friday afternoon - Feb 19, we learnt that I have been diagnosed with leukemia now. We will update our blog at a later time to keep you informed of my prognosis but just like before - we will win! We will continue to fight, we will continue to press on, and we will get through this!

"Anything is possible. You can be told you have a 90% chance or a 50% chance or a 1% chance, but you have to believe, and you have to fight" - Lance Armstrong.

Cheers guys!

Tim

CLEAR!

Merry Christmas from us, Tim and Christa!

We find ourselves in a state of celebration and shock all at the same time! As we mentioned in our previous post, Tim had his routine PET scan and we were waiting on the results.

Well...

He is 100% Cancer Free!!!!! There are NO active cells in his body, nothing abnormal, he is completley and totally healed. The doctors note said; "Patient has responded successfully to treatment."

100% Cancer free means 100% of the glory goes to God. We were always confident this day would arrive, we just didn't know when. To have this news is the best Christmas gift anyone could ask for.

We will keep you posted with the adventures that come along in our lives...next stop, big huge party!!

Love,

Tim and Christa

December Already?

Hey Everybody!



We haven't updated you in a long time, so last night we decided we should!



Tim has been out of the hospital since the middle of July, with no returns to it! We have celebrated our six month wedding anniversary, and things are going really well. Tim continues to have his monthly check ups, which is amazing because most patients are from the summer are still visiting once a week! He has faced his fair share of colds, which was expected, and was told he had H1N1 in August...which his immune system beat without any medications as the doctors caught it while the virus was in its final stages. Wow huh? A guy with a brand new baby immune system beats the swine! God is on our side for sure. He is getting healthier and stronger each day, his weight is returning to normal and those muscles are coming back.



His PET scan results have been great thus far, with another report on the way. We will visit the hospital in a few weeks to get more good news! :) This entire process is 100% easier when we both know that healing belongs to Tim by the grace of God!



Tim is heavily involved in youth at our church, he is so excited to see so many youth coming out to events. His passion is youth ministry, so he is thriving in it!



We are getting ready for Christmas! Our tree is up, full of decorations and the outside lights are beautiful thanks to Tim. I spent an hour wrapping all of his gifts, he is like a little kid, he will go hunting if they are not safely under the tree. We are spending Christmas in Airdrie this year with friends and family, and taking a much needed break from school, work etc!



Christa has been signed to John Robert Powers, an acting academy with locations all over the world. She had one audition and was asked to join! She will embark on 5 months of practical training and professional auditions. What an opportunity!



We will continue to keep you all updated! Thank you for being so faithful to our story, and supporting us in ways we can't even properly say thank you for.



-Tim & Christa!
(this is us in Saskatchewan on the way to Winnipeg, our road trip in October this year. This is one of the places we stopped for ice cream during Tim's ride for childhood cancer across Canada in 2007, we had to relive the moment!)

Significantly Simple

A very simple thought on serving people:

What an interesting time it has been to sit back and ponder the past season of our lives. Sometimes I cannot help but play the scene over and over again from Black Sheep with Chris Farley where he is at the top of the mountain trying to find cell reception and slips his foot off the rock and begins a very long, painful, dreadful, discombobulating summer salt down toward the valley...and then after gaining his senses, throwing himself upward into posture he exclaims, "What in the hell was that all about!" (If you haven't seen this movie...it's a must...it's on my to do list of life actually...it's an annual event that I have with me, myself, and I.)

But sometimes that's how I look at many situations in life and wonder what the purpose of it all was. I cannot count how many times I have tried to sit here at this stupid HP Pavilion laptop computer of mine and try to focus on writing the thoughts in my head which have been brewing for quite some time about different things, people I've talked to, things that have happened...and for some reason just not having the clarity to phrase myself. I just sit in a daze wondering what the purpose of it all was. Where is this going? What is being done? How does this effect me?

To be honest I'm not really sure what it's all about sometimes. (the cancer, how certain things have worked out in our lives, jobs, meeting people, serving, and life.)

Lately Christa and I have had the opportunity to meet and hear some very influential people. This past week we had the honor to sit in and hear Charlotter Gambil speak on the importance of building the local church - and how for some odd reason we have this mentally that the church is all about this religious building where we gather on Sunday mornings because of family tradition or religious beliefs and practices. Depending on your thoughts and viewpoint of the word religion you may disagree with the next statement - but she was saying that the role of the church is to reach out to people and meet their needs. We aren't to run around jamming the bible down peoples throats or telling them what to do and what not to do. It is important for us to invest time and ourselves in joining up with others to help meet the needs and reach out to other people, through whatever means possible, including ourselves, our experiences, and with all the junk that we haul behind.

The problem, however is that so many people want to be the top dog. Everyone wants to be on the stage, have a mic in their hand, run the company, be the president, run for mayor, be team captain, give the orders...it's their way or the highway. And this is why sometimes groups and organizations, including the church fail...because people don't want to greet people, or clean washrooms, or help with parking, or go into the hospitals and spend time with the sick, or offer a ride to someone, or care to listen to someones shotty (yes I said shotty...it's the new thing so get with it) life...because what we have to do is more important, and if I (not me...I as in plural...even though it can't be plural...I know.) am not running the show, if I am not noticed, if I am not rewarded, if I, I, I, I, I...then it just won't be worth it. And this is wrong thinking!

At first I took this as a slap in the face because I thought to myself...are you telling me that my tour across Canada was waste of my time and that I just want to make it to the top and be noticed? Are you telling me all the TV shows I've done and interviews was selfish ideas? Are you saying my goal to write a book is complete junk? Are you saying the homeless outreach that Christa and I lead for the street people of Calgary isn't impacting and reaching out to the needs of others? Are you telling me that loving that person who is just unlovable, or investing my time and energy doing something for someone else wasn't significant?

At first this was how I actually thought about this...and the whole way home Christa had to knock some sense into my wee little brain to remind that that's not what she was saying at all. What I soon learned was that all those things are great...but when we invest our time and money and energy into the lives of other people...that's what it's all about. If your on the top, great. But if your on the bottom step...you are just as...if not more powerful and useful then the guy on the top. Because the guy on the top may not have the opportunities and gifts to reach out to people like the guy on the bottom.

Even though there are days that I sit here and stare at a white, blank word document page which sometimes reflects my view on life thinking to myself, "what the... ", I have learnt that there is a huge joy in teaming up with a group of people and meeting the needs of others. Rather it be through a church, a community organization, a company, or even in a social group of people. We don't all have to be the guy on the top, because if we are all the guy on the top....it's boring!

I have discovered that if I can shovel someones walk, or feed the homeless, or help lead a youth group, or say hi to the guy in the food court who looks like he needs a picker upper, or whatever it might be. I have learnt that through my experiences, with all my junk and garbage I can serve people and meet the needs of others...just as I am. Too many times I think of people who work themselves up and go on a self pity trip and create all the drama in the world because what nice thing they did for someone, or nice thing they said to someone, or their hard work went unnoticed. Too many times people think that if they aren't noticed then it doesn't count or it's not significant. But we must remember...it's not about us. We all have the opportunity to reach out to people in any given situation -therefore, big or small, it is significant, it matters, and it just might bring hope and meet a need of someone you never thought it would have.

...Tim

Change.

Two weeks ago, the fire alarm rang out in our church service, once before church and once right before Pastor Leon was to preach. Of course, even though we all thought it was nothing, we evacuated, and eventually after some debate decided to have the service outside. How perfect that the title of Leon's message was "Change." While sitting out on the grass in the perfect summer air surrounded by a few hundred amazing people who devoted time every day to pray for Tim and I...life was suddenly put into perspective for me. Embracing Change. How many of us do that?

I've been through twenty years of change. Little changes, like crawling to walking, diapers to the potty, a crib to the big girl bed...grade 1 to grade 12, brown hair, red hair, fake nails, red nails, insecurity, pain, happiness, death, life, rejection, acceptance. I've had my life all planned out and seen it change in a matter of hours. I remember the emotions and excitment of our approaching wedding day being knocked aside by the terror of a disease. If anyone has experienced drastic change, overwhelming unwanted change, it has been Tim and I.

But...

Why wallow? Why sit there and wish for the "old" days, when a new journey is infront. I could have ignored the change and ran away from it, but I would still be in the same place, the same unchanged place. Instead, no matter how painful, unwanted and stupid the change was...I embraced it, and accepted it for what it was. It turns out when things change in a big way, even though we don't want them to, they turn out to be the greatest stories, the most amazing memories. What if you never took those first steps after all? Where would you be? Unchanged and annoying! Who wants a 20 year old baby in their lives?

I don't. Nor do I want to be.

Now. As Tim and I look back on our time in the hospital, the treatment, the unit, even the day of diagnosis, we celebrate each moment and find the joy in it! Why? Because change is a GOOD thing. It brings forth the true qualities in a person and shows the world where their focus is. I want people to see my focus is on Christ. I am a strong woman, I will perservere and accept any change that comes my way, no matter what it is.

Each day now is amazing. Each day is full of change. Tim is back at part time work, and loving it! He finds new challenges in his day, adopts them and succeeds. He is such an asset to his team, and according to them has been very missed! I am back at work as well, with two of the most incredible kids. Each day they greet me with excitment and joy, they don't care where I have been or where I am going, even at 2 and 3 years old, they have accepted the fact that Tim was sick, now he is better, he has no hair, and heck, they love him like crazy! Why at two and three can they accept drastic change, embrace it and move on and we "adults" start cursing, throwing up our hands, and for some reason cannot even sit still when traffic is re routed? Trust me, if that sounds like you, here is a little warning; get your priorities straight, because if life ever throws you a curve ball...well, I don't even want to know what will happen to you.

Leon taught us how to accept and embrace change that Sunday night, Tim's battle taught us how to find joy in every situation, and Weston and Sawyer teach me every day to appreciate the little things, to laugh, to giggle, play hide and seek and enjoy CHANGE.

Christa