Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Color's Changing...

Hey guys. Just me Christa sitting downstairs in the library at Tom Baker...

Tim is upstairs having a rest. :)

So, it all began yesterday! Tim was admitted and recieved his central line (CVC) which was quickly insterted right into his heart. This is instead of having lots of pokes every day, and much easier to administer chemo and other things! The procedure only took about six minutes, and the drugs they gave to sedate him wore off so quickly...I swear, Tim is the exception to every rule and guildeline medicine has. Because he did so well, the nurses sent us (meaning the three of us...Tim, Me and a 3000ml bag of fluid) home last night to hang out in our own place. It was so good to be able to chill at home! My mom cooked us a big pasta dinner, and then we just headed off to bed.

This morning, they started Tim on his first day of Chemo. One of three this month. Within an hour or so you could see the color fade from his face, and those dark circles come out, but no other symptoms at all. The nurses told us he may experience this side effect, or that, or maybe this...but so far, by God's healing power, Tim has had NO side effects whatsoever. After that dose went in they hooked him up to another bag of chemo. Shortly after, he decided to rest, so..here I am!

For the first time in awhile, I was able to sit down this morning and really write in my journal. Its neat the things that come out when you allow yourself to be totally honest and open, even with your own feelings. This battle is unreal sometimes. Sitting in this hospital, in this library staring up at the bookshelves with every second book titled "CANCER" its amazing how easy it is to suddenly feel like you want to give up. Why Cancer? --I wrote that question down today and came up with this answer.

Life is messy. Life has cancer, accidents, pain, depression, bad days, ...but I have a God who is bigger than cancer, illness, side effects, any disease. He is power...and in the moments I feel powerless or angry, I turn to Him. Why would I even doubt? Why would I even give in to the crap on this planet? Is there any good in living defeated? No way!

I am so blessed to be beside Tim in this battle. I am so glad God has prepped me the way He has for this, and Tim too. We are strong in Christ, we are overcomers, and owners of a promise of healing. Like Tim said, he has to get sick before he can get better...but God is bigger!!

We've been through hell and high water, but all along have been holding on to eachother and keeping our focus SURE! Anybody can run their mouth, say what they please, believe what they hear, but nothing, not even those closest to us will distract us from pushing forward and being an amazing couple with a big big purpose.

Tim, you are an amazing person. I know I tell you this all the time. Nobody knows your heart like I do, and nobody gets me like you do. I can't imagine this life without you, and I am so excited for this journey and the result...! Thank you for asking me to be your wife. I am honored to have my new last name and start this walk in the park as a married couple. I'm your woman, you're my man and I love you with everything I have. This past week was the best week of my life, and I can't wait for the weeks ahead!! Just incase you've forgotten, here are my vows again.

"I remember praying for my husband and making a list of all the things my heard desired, but while writing, I never actually knew how seriously God took my requests. He knew I would face many mountains, and that my desires would change. After writing that new list, God opened the door to you standing on the other side.

I waited to see if you had the same dreams, passions and desires that I did, only to realize that at the same time he opened the door for me, he had also opened one for you. His timing could not have been more perfect. He brought me you, and I am eternally grateful his blessed care.

You had my heart in a moment, and continue to sweep me off my feet every day. You Tim, are my best friend, the one I can laugh with and cry with to the point of puffy eyes and running mascara. You teach me, uplift and support me.

You are one million amazing things. I promise to hold your heart well, stay by your side always, respect you, speak highly of you, put all your needs before my own, pray for you constantly and model Christ's love to you. I vow to stand by your side no matter what, and be exactly what you need me to be.

For this journey we have ahead of us I will be your cheerleader, your supporter, the one you can count on. I will pray for you, put aside all others to help see you through this battle. I am fighting with you, I'll fight harder when you need me to, hold your hand when its a little bit dark and praise God with you as we come out the other side.

This day is about beginning a journey to fulfill the amazing destiny HE has for you and I, together and as one.

You Tim are my one and only. I promise to be beside you, behind you and holding your hand until our sweet Jesus calls us home."


Well guys, I better head back up! We will continue to keep you informed of Tims amazing progress!!


1 comment:

  1. Once again I am amazed at the love you two share. I applaud your strength and determination. Thank you for being brave enough to share this with whoever is willing to be a part of it. You are both remarkable human beings and God has an INCREDIBLE life story for you to explore. Once again, we're for you in anyway we can be but especially in prayer. Love you little sis!