June 11 - Day 11

Well G'day folks :)

Yesterday was the first day that I started my G-CSF shots which will boost my stem cells and prepare me for mobilization - the stage before transplant. While here at the hospital (which was only supposed to be a quick little visit) turned into me being admitted because my White Blood Cells are too low (0.2) which literally means I have no first line of defence in fighting any viruses and infections that come my way. So even though I feel good I have to lay low in bed at the hospital for a few days until my counts come back up. With the G-CSF shots it shouldn't take long for my counts to come up since that is the purpose of the shots.

I was once asked if I was being a little over optimistic and if I really am feeling well or am I just saying that I feel well. Honestly, I feel really really good. I've had maybe one or two days that I've felt a little under the weather but it was actually because I was taking a medication every 6 hrs and I was only supposed to be taking it as needed, not every friggen day every 6 hours. So the docs changed my meds, reduced some stuff and within the next day or so I was back to eating and being my normal self. Even here in the hospital this time around the nurses sometimes pop in just to say a quick hello because we often joke around and just talk about non-sense. I'm not being proud, but I will definitely say that leading up to my initial admission to the hospital, Christa and I were bracing ourselves. But it's been great. Since we can't act like a normal couple and go out for dates nights and movies and just hang out and do the married thing we've actually had to re-discover our friendship and have quite enjoyed just hanging out all day and talking about anything and everything. Christa and I have had some of the most meaningful, thoughtful, and deepest conversations during this time. We have laughed together so hard that we've been kicking our legs crazy till the point we are crying. We have been very amused by the TV show Trailer Park Boys which is down right stupid stuff but to us, apparently it's hilarious! We've walked around this unit so many times that every day I've seen scuff marks come and go. We've watched movies together, played games, and at times even just hung out and not said a word to each other. Christa and I know that this experience is already building into our relationship and we are learning a great deal of things we may never have learnt if it weren't for this experience. When I am all through, our marriage will come out the other side stronger and deeper because of what we have walked through and faced together in our first few weeks of marriage.

Got a very cool story to share with you:

A couple of nights ago Christa and I prayed before we went to sleep that we would
just have a good sleep and that we would have dreams that we would receive a message or a very clear meaning. I'm not one to have dreams and if I do, I NEVER remember them.

Not only was it great to sleep pretty much the whole night (because the last few nights I've been up several times) but I had an incredible dream that is crazy.

Before I share the dream I must give you a little preview. Back in October of 2008 Christa and I were in Winnipeg for a conference and a guy by the name of Rick Godwin was speaking. And he was telling us that when catching the plane to come up to the conference the lady beside him made a few comments about what if the plane goes down. Rick said, Lady, if this plane is going down your in the best seat of this aircraft, right beside me, because everything is going to be fine because of the power that is in me. I have not finished living my life. My "I Must" and purpose is not yet completed...we're not going anywhere!

So, that brings me to my story:

In the middle of my sleep I had a dream that was the most clear, real, and descriptive dream I've ever had. I had a dream that Christa and I were travelling by plane. From the time we checked in to the time we got to the gate we were interrupted with distractions, people budging us in line, and then once we got to the gate we discovered we didn't even have our tickets...we had somebody else. Once we got that sorted out we barely made it to the gate only to find out that the plane had been over booked. A few people offered to stay behind and catch the next plane and Christa and I boarded and got our seats. It was a very small charter plane with about 30 passengers. (I'm telling you - I don't dream. This may seem silly but I felt like this was all actually happening.) As we begin to taxi towards the runway all of a sudden the pilot throws the plane into gear and we take off. As soon as the plane leaves the ground the plane does a fish tale and the pilot struggles back and forth to bring the plane under control. The whole time I have such a peace and am totally confident that even if this plane goes down...we're all gunna be fine. Eventually the pilot looses all control of the plane and we head for the ground. I instantly grabbed Christa's head and brought both our heads to our knees and cover our faces because I knew the thing was gunna blow up. The back of the plane and tail blew up in flames and all of a sudden we are barreling down a major freeway destroying anything in sight. Eventually the plane leaves the freeway into a residential area and takes out 5 houses before it comes to a complete stop. No one was injured. Everyone walked away injury free.

After I woke up and I told Christa the dream...she was just like, oh...that's crazy. But it wasn't until we were halfway down the deerfoot highway on our way to the hospital that I jump and tell Christa - I forgot the most important part...the point of the dream and the message behind it.

It doesn't matter what plane we are on or what our destination is (because all of our purposes are slightly different from each other. Even though planes might all look the same, there are different people on those planes with different stories and a different "I Must") and even though our plane might crash, nothing can get in the way of our purpose and "I Must" because of the power that is in us.

Even though my plane crashed (my cancer), my purpose and "I Must" isn't done. I have not finished living. I am not done here yet. I will get better. I am a cancer survivor! I am not a patient. My body is not consumed with cancer. It does not belong in me. It has no right in my body. I will go on to inspire many and do crazy, wild adventures...because my purpose isn't completed!

Last night Christa had a friend come visit her who is a nurse on the floor below me. She works on the palliative care ward where basically patients are coming in to die. They have no more medical options for them, doctor's can't do anything so they put them on these wards and the nurses give them medication to make them feel as comfortable as possible until their last breath. But the fascinating thing is: Christa's friend was saying they come in with such a good attitude and positive spirit proclaiming that they will get better and better each day and will walk out of this hospital with no disease and feeling well and alive. What's fascinating is that they often do walk out of this hospital and live well and alive for years to come! That right there is evidence of what a good attitude and the power in you can do.

Friends, whatever your going through...you decide your outcome. When I was on tour I spoke at a teens camp in PEI (the triumph video) and told them that we must be fighters. Through everything we must fight with all that we have. Losers are not an option. It is our choice how we will walk out the other side. Our attitudes are crucial. How we handle situations and trials and the attitude we have plays a big part in our outcome. We are the deciders of our progress. I have heard story after story of people who have been given up to die, and how people would come in and encourage them with words and tell them other stories of people who've had it worse and something inside of them rose up and they all of a sudden developed a keenness to fight and within sometimes days to weeks their body has slowly turned around and they've walked away completed well.

A famous speaker by the name of Willie George said it best when I was listening to him at that conference in Winnipeg. "Our minds start playing out with thoughts and if we don't discard the negative thoughts immediately eventually our thoughts go down a little elevator and stop on the floor called mouth. And what we let out of our mouth eventually keeps going down into our heart. Whats in our heart becomes who we are. How we talk, how we treat people, the things we do and the things that we believe. We must take control of those negative thoughts and get rid of them immediately. Not even giving them a second chance to become part of our DNA.

Put it this way. I am on the top floor at the hospital. I know below me are several floors and right below me is the palliative care ward. (Disregard the previous example about the palliative care ward because that was used to illustrate something else) If I take the elevator down to the main floor, walk out of this hospital, get in the car and go home, then I never know what was really on those other floors. I may know which wards are on that floor and I probably have a good idea of what happens there because of what I've heard...but if I've never seen it or never stepped foot on that floor, I don't have any mental pictures and thoughts or smells about that floor. However, if I choose to stop on the palliative care ward and walk around there, now I have those thoughts and pictures and smells in my mind and the only thing I can remember is dead people - completely negative. So I must choose to not even go there. I don't even allow myself to think about stopping on that floor.

It's the same thing with out thinking and out attitude. We choose where we will allow our minds to go and not to go. We choose what gets into our heart. WE MAKE THE CHOICE.

Friends, I don't try to sound all professional and act like I'm a psychologist or anything like that. I write the way that I write, I speak whats on my heart, and often when I speak I sometimes find myself speaking right to myself while speaking to others as well. But I ask you this: What are you doing about your situation? Are you becoming consumed and stressed with the simplest things in life? Are you surrounding yourself with negativity and negative people? Do you have people in your life who have similar goals and a similar purpose and can join each other as you pursue that? We are the DECIDERS! We have more power in us than we think we have. We just need to learn how to use it.

Until next time!

Tim Harriman
PS. While your at it, Christa and I were surprised when we discovered that we are on the front of AirdrieLife Magazine with an amazing story on page 61. Check out www.airdrielife.com to order your copy now!

Tell your friends about our blog, spread the news, and lets join together because together we are headed towards a great purpose!